tango with you .

If it's worth having, it's worth fighting for

Every girl needs a man; the kind that will treat you right as well as others; the kind that has enough respect for himself, family, and others; the one that will change for you to just be with you. The kind that searches for you with his heart, the kind that can be trusted alone with a room full of many other beautiful ladies, the kind that won’t cheat on you cause he knows he’s got all he wants and needs already, the kind that’s willing to be your friend and lover, the kind that doesn’t mind calling early in the morning to say good morning and late at night to say good night; maybe even sing you a good morning and tell you a good night story or talk to you until you fall asleep.

The kind that will do anything for you, even if it’s just to buy your favorite kind of candy. The kind that will defend and fight for you, the kind that won’t ditch you for his friends when you need him the most, the kind that won’t leave you lonely and wondering. The kind that isn’t afraid to smile to his friends every time you’re around and tell them, “She’s the one.” The kind that appreciates you for the things to do for him, even if they’re small gestures. The kind that actually thanks you for the little love notes you leave him, the kind that is willing to wait for you when you’re falling behind, the kind that will actually open the door for you, take you out on dates once in a while and buy you flowers cause it’s a Wednesday. The kind that notices your hair when you just got it cut or done beautifully for him, the kind that reminds you that he loves you and that he’s happy with you in case you forget.

The kind that kisses your forehead when you’re down, the kind that tells you to be strong and not to cry, the kind that will go through think and thin with, and for you, the kind that just loves you for who you are.

That kind of man, that’s the kind you keep.

pronto.

You're just like a bruise, it hurts and leaves a mark.

I'm resisting the urge to sulk. I'm just having a bout of down-time.

I'm just sick and tired of the pretend pursuit. I never thought my judgment of someone's character could be so off the charts. My erring judgment clouded my reasoning skills. I thought I knew you, seems like you proved me wrong. No wait .. I guess I proved you wrong.

I wish I could have someone console me the way it seems so easy to console a 5 year old who's crying. I wish you could console me and tell me everything's going to be alright and hug me tight. I wish it was really that easy to make me happier.

When deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive. Forgiveness does not change the past. But it does enlarge the future.

Hence, will you forgive me?

hold on to this.

I shouldn't look back anymore.

According to Meredith Grey, "The Unexpected is what changes our lives forever".

This is particularly true, to myself anyways. You can't always expect everything to go according to plan, and usually when things don't go according to plan, it goes wrong. But what if that wrong thing happens to be the right thing? The thing that you just need, right at the wrong time. That's when it changes your life forever. I plan to try my best to stop all my unhealthy and harmful addictions because it no longer gives me pleasure or happiness. In fact, it's hindering my happiness and preventing me from finding what I really need. So here's to change. The Unexpected Change.

I badly need the beach.

A Good Mourning.

According to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, when we're dying or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move through five distinct stages of grief. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

We go into denial because the loss is so unthinkable we can't imagine it's true. We become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves. Then we bargain. We beg. We plead. We offer everything we have, we offer our souls in exchange for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until finally we have to accept that we've done everything we can. We let go. We let go and move into acceptance.

The dictionary defines grief as keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. As surgeons, as scientists, we're taught to learn from and rely on books, on definitions, on definitives. But in life, strict definitions rarely apply. In life, grief can look like a lot of things that bear little resemblance to sharp sorrow.

Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone. It isn't just death we have to grieve. It's life. It's loss. It's change. And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime.

That's how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can't breathe, that's how you survive. By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won't feel this way. It won't hurt this much. Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way. So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty. The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can't control it.

The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes. And let it go when we can. The very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it, it starts all over again. And always, every time, it takes your breath away.

Grief doesn't necessarily be the mourning of a death. It can be the mourning the loss of a relationship, a friendship, a dream, or yourself. As long as its a loss, there will be grief and there will be mourning. Sometimes, the 5 stages of grief doesn't come immediately. Sometimes it takes a while to take effect on you. Sometimes grief can last a long long time, depending on the situation. Sometimes, we just never get out of it.

How do you stop grieving over the loss of yourself? Do you ever stop mourning? Do you ever get over it? How do you finally accept it? Do you have to accept it?

I realize I'm still mourning over alot of things. And finally, blessedly, it's come to the acceptance stage. Things will be better, I just know it.

Happy Monday People.

a stumbling, cliche case ..

Where do we go from here?

How do we carry on?

I can't get beyond the questions ... Clambering for the scrapsin the shatter of us collapsed. It cuts me with every "could have been."

ps: ego is the beauty of us

seeing me pt2.

Today ..

It's time to take a larger view of my life and how my recent actions might have affected my path. I took a turn down a new road -- was it the right decision?

"Think about it and figure it out before I continue going any further".

I need to be more reflective about my actions, and add some more discipline into my life.
I'm tryna hold myself back from falling into temptations.

seeing me.

I have never been particularly immature, but lately I've been noticing a certain shift in myself. This change could really crystallize when I see myself behaving in an unfamiliar way in a familiar situation.
Maybe I'm calmer.
Maybe I don't take things as personally.
Maybe I stay objective.
Maybe I'm seeing what it's like to be an adult.

reuter?

Can you believe it?

From the very day it all started,

I will continue to hold you dear,

Though you and I know how pessimistic my optimism is,
I still think, dream and hope for our bright future ahead,

You being nearest to my heart for all time.

And I, predominantly having thoughts of you on my mind,

What if I said I need you for the rest of my life and hopefully thereafter,

Would it be out of line?

swim with me upstream for throughout the years
visualize this beautiful dream through the waterfall of tears.

cousinlovetruckloads.

syugahh !

imma sillyyy romantic.

" Tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don't deserve any less and answer your questions when I'd rather not and tell you the truth when I really don’t want to and try to be honest because I know you prefer it and think it's all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life and forget who I am and let me try to get closer to you because somehow, somehow, somehow communicate some of the overwhelming undying overpowering unconditional all-encompassing heart-enriching mind-expanding on-going never-ending love I have for you."

different.

The past makes you who you are today. All those cuts and bruises you suffered have turned into scars. Those of which are perfectly permanent. All those places you have been are constant reminders of everything good and bad. All those people you met have changed your life. Sometimes for better, sometimes for the worse. It changes the way you perceive others. It changes your future connections. Some of them you will meet for the first time, some of them you have not met for a very long time. It changes the way you trust people. It changes the way you think about them. It changes the way you feel about them. It changes the way you feel about yourself. Sometimes the past changes you for the better. Sometimes it changes you for the worse. Sometimes the past makes you more receptive. Sometimes the past makes you more defensive. Sometimes you wish you can change the past when things turned out wrong. Sometimes you have to take it in your stride, no matter how great or troubling things can get. Sometimes you wish you could run to the future because the present keeps reminding you of the past. Sometimes I wish you would understand why I am like this. Sometimes I wish you would at least try to see things through my eyes even though you have not walked a mile in my shoes. I don't want the same things to happen to you too. Because I don't want to see you hurt, as much as I've been hurt. I don't want to hurt you. But sometimes you hurt me and I'll end up hurting myself. And we'll end up hurting each other. The past is something which I can never erase. It makes me who I am today. All these wounds have healed but my scars will exist perpetually. Sometimes I wish your touch could erase these marks that have been left. But they still surround me, on every part of my body. Sometimes I wish you could embrace these scars and accept me for who I am. Accept me for my past and why I am a changed person. And that change is not necessarily a bad thing. I need you to help me with the present and make me look forward to the future. I certainly do not want to be reminded of my past. Howbeit, some places, people, and things just remind me of them. It's not that I want to. But they come and go without my control. I need you to protect me from these external influences. I need you to be the security for my insecurities. I need you to be there for me. I need you to not give up. I need you to stop blaming me for things that are beyond my control. Most of all, I need you to understand. To understand that we are different in different ways. And try your best to accept that.

And I'm afraid to say that I can't speak to you till you at least try.

Because I know I'm trying my best too.

beautiful thought.

Doors. A piece of furniture. Wooden, plastic, metal and sometimes glass. Doors open your life to many possibilites. To a loving family after a hard day's work. To a blind date knocking nervously. To an interview that might just change your life. Some doors are able to open from both sides. Some doors only open from one. Some doors slide open. Some doors are locked. Some doors have no locks. Some doors are left abandoned. Some doors invite people. Some doors say keep out. Some places have many doors. Some places only have one door. Doors are passages for connection. Be it internal or external. Doors can be broken. Doors can be repaired. Doors can be taken apart. New doors can be installed. Doors protect you. From burglars and strangers. Maybe from ex-lovers and everything evil. Doors keep convicts confined with metal bars and chains. Doors open your eyes to a beautiful aisle on your wedding day. Doors open you to a room, where hopefully in a few hours, you would get to see your newborn. Doors open with trembling hands to a room which smells like death. Only to see your loved one alive. Some doors close from above. Some doors close and open you to a different place entirely. Some doors bring you to the next life.

Doors open. Doors close.
Doors are there for a reason.
Doors open and close in life.

Crossroads.

Nobody ever wants what they've got.

The bottom line is that we never fall for the people we're supposed to. It's not just me? Hell, no.

Think about it: Romeo and Juliet bucked the system, and look where it got them. Superman has the hots for Lois Lane, when the better match of course, would be with Wonder Woman. Dawson and Joey - need I say more?

What about you?
You tell me.

Like I said, it happens to everyone. I couldn't tell you what it was, if you asked. But when it's the heart, that's a whole different ball of wax.

Well, I had the other problem. I had the heart of the relationship, and no body to grow it in.And if you think of a relationship as a living entity, I thought ....

" I know what you thought." I wondered what happened when you offered youself to someone, and they opened you, only to discover you were not the gift they expected and they had to smile and nod and thank you all the same.

it ain't my hormones, it's you.

Just a quick post today to point out what should be obvious.

Pay attention, men.

IT IS ENTIRELY POSSIBLE FOR A WOMAN TO GET FRUSTRATED AND SHOW ANGER WITHOUT IT BEING IN ANY WAY HORMONAL.

A man, it seems, is allowed to show anger and frustration when some damn idiot won’t shut up, or fifty damn idiot drivers cut him off, box him in, tailgate and otherwise make driving hell, or he can’t figure out how to do something on his damned computer. He’s allowed to shout, cuss, slam something down and walk away. A woman who reacts to those same frustrations is immediately slapped with the PMS or “time of life” label.

Just.

Stop.

It.

Pull that crap on me in a couple of weeks and I’ll rip your fool head off. This is just as sexist, but I’m posting it because I’m annoyed and it’s funny.

Sweet Dreams People.

elusive me ? (II)

I pride myself on having a firm grip on reality, but when I get a flash of consciousness from another dimensions, I have to wonder. Perhaps -- that's just my third eye opening and seeing things I refused to acknowledge before ?

elusive me ?

'You took everything good and painted it red.'

It's true what they say about 2nd chances and people. 2nd chances don't matter and people never change.

Why am I harbouring these feelings?? I need a break, from EVERYTHING.

I need to do something. Anything. I feel my faith weakening and its scaring me. When I see blue skies, I think about the dark, looming clouds which are inevitable. When I see a rainbow, I think, it's only a trick of light. When I look at flowers, I think of how people would pick them and take them home and leave them to die in vases of water.

Help.

fancy grown-up.

I've been thinking about this for days -- weeks, even.

Am I going to stay and try to work this out, or let go of the whole thing and start over?

I've laid out all the pros and cons in my mind and I'm still just not sure.

Well, talking to a friend about it helps.

But in the end, I'll have to make up my mind all by myself.

Life's a bitch.

A Fresh New Start.

An impulsive decision over a long mauled over situation. Hopefully I won't regret it. Crossing my fingers and toes, I don't want to jinx it :)

"I agree totally that sometimes you gotta give away chances for the sake of others. Also, I respect that your commited to finishing what you start. Not alot of people I know can do that."

For once, have the confidence. Be a leader not a follower. Please?

Thank you to those who never changed and only changed for the better.
I'll always be here, my friends.
You have my word for it.

's ok.

Perhaps I should just rest for a moment.

Yes, things are crazy, yes, the world is going nuts.

Yet, deep underneath the stormy waves, there, in the core of my being, there is pure silence, pure love.

And ...
it's ...
just ...
OK.

what's left?

Can I ask you a question please

Promise you won't laugh at me

Honestly I'm standing here

Afraid I'll be betrayed.

As twisted as it seems, I only fear love when it's in my dreams

So let in the morning light and let the darkness fade away

I find myself preferring to look through the viewfinder to look at life. Somehow, it looks so much more beautiful through a viewfinder than when you look at it with the naked eye.In a way, it's like I'm using a camera as a shield. Hiding behind it. To prevent myself from seeing things that I don't really wanna see. Hence, I focus on the beautiful things that I can capture instead.

I wish for a better day tomorrow, and for everyone else.

I wish I would find success and fulfillment in my career. I wish to spend everyday meaningfully, with the people I love, doing things that I love and living life to the fullest. I wish to occupy my weekdays with work and my hobbies and I wish to spend my weekends for that much needed rest before a new week begins again. I wish to look forward to every start of the week just as much as I look forward to the end of it.

I wish to spend my time doing things that make me happy,contented and loving life so that there is no space for negativity and sadness. I wish to stop dwelling on the past, of what could have beens and what should have beens and move on happily. I wish to put every bad thing that I've been through behind me and let karma run its course. I wish to really believe that everything happens for a reason and that whatever I went through, has a silver lining to it, despite the outcome.

I wish to be so happy that when I eventually look back to my past, I will smile and be glad that it was all over. I wish to be so contented with my present that I know my future will be better and that my past will not repeat itself. I wish to be so thankful with my present that the past will no longer haunt me. I wish to learn from my mistakes and learn to trust and listen to my instincts. I wish to protect myself better and not be too believing. I wish to develop myself in mind,body and spirit for the better. I wish to grow from all of this and become the better and stronger person. I know I owe it to myself that much.

But after everything, I'm suddenly void of feelings.

Whats's happening?

Is it time yet?

ps: again, I'm calculatng what's left in me

b.slick

When the tide has come and gone, you wonder why it was even there in the first place. As the water level resides and you can see your toes in the sand. You hope that your footprints will never fade away, but as another wave washes it away, you realize that you are nothing but a temporary mark in this world.

You were never forever.

"Hope gives way to dreams.

Dreams bring you further away from reality.

The further away you are from reality, your feet are no longer firmly grounded. Then, the harder you fall"

I have officially stopped hoping. What's the use of hoping if all it does is make you lose sight of reality? It makes you dream of things that will never happen but then you still wish with all your heart that it will. Hope clouds your judgment and makes you lose all inhibitions. It makes you forget all your fears and you rush headlong without thinking. Hope makes you use your heart and not your head. It makes you lose all logic and sensibility, till you just do what you feel like doing. Instead of weighing down the consequences of your actions.Hope just gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere. It makes you think of rainbows and butterflies when in reality, life's not like that at all. It makes you too optimistic, when you should be pessimistic. It makes you hopeful when you should be cynical. It makes you fall in love, when you know you shouldn't.

You know, it sucks.

where are you ?

... that when you were told time exists, you were lied to.

We have invented time to feel secure that we can predict life. That clock is merciless, beating out seconds at a constant rate, ignoring the natural changing rhythms of our minds and our bodies. And so we are constantly trying to speed up or slow down. I should Give myself a break for a change, - put away that watch for a couple of days and settle into my own natural rhythms.

over.

you tell me pretty lies.

o - verrr.

trial and error.

When shit happens, you really know who your true friends are. With friends like these, those delusional mindfucks can and should fuck themselves with a dick-tionary.

I had a horrendous day at work, yet again. tsk tsk!

The weekend was appropriately spent with good company. And though unexpectedly, seeing the worst of people really just made me laugh to see how they really never change. Before and After, yet still the same. Time changes all things? I beg to differ.

X

Orrang 27 June 09 ; 8Q, Singapore Arts Museum

Adversity is a trial to see one's true colours.

dimwitted bag of bat droppings.

I don't wanna push it, and I don't wanna put in my heart yet. Not yet, not soon. There's still this guarded heart I'm holding close to me. If only things would change for the better, then maybe ..

I had a long and horrible day at work. Period.

ps: everyone fucks up. even you.

charade.

So

how

long

do

you

intend

to

play

this

charade

of

silence?

Singing softly with these words.

Ifspeaks.

Expect the unexpected. Because sometimes, the unexpected is the one that you have always been looking for, but never thought you'd find.

Lately, I've been manifesting on too many 'What Ifs'. But my senses is telling; "Don't complicate your withered mind, 'cause it's a total waste of time". The pendulum swings in the other direction of my life when new information, which makes me rethink my most fervent beliefs, comes to light.

Circumstances depend on situations, if you actually think about it. Everything is different and nothing really is the same. They never will be. Sometimes, silence deafens when compared to several thunders clapping instantaneously.

"Silence is easy, it just becomes me."

Just like this aforementioned qoute from Placebo, you're forced to battle it with mutuality.

happy thursday, people!

change.

Sometimes changes does good to someone.

The time has come. An ending to perhaps a better and beautiful beginning.

I wonder.

All's changed, I see. Perhaps I am right. Perhaps it'll do good to everyone. A fresh start. Throw behind the dirty linens, hide the embarrassment, sacrifice the once strong ties.

I can't bring myself to face that fact. It has been such a beautiful journey. Was. What do I forgive? And what do I forget? I was never the humble one. Yes, I care much about face value. But I care too on ties. Special ties.

This is too hurtful. Cos I know for well that things will never be the same. Ever.

Perhaps, one day.

One fine day.

The optimist would say that his cup is half full.

The pessimist would say that his cup is half empty.

What if I said that I once had a cup that's brimming with water before it came falling to the ground, shattering into smithereens? Tell me.

change-ink circus-stamp-cents

I know, known, always knew.

I had anticipated it.

I told you so (smirks).

Changing circumstances,

hitherto NO COMMENTS.

Finally, I rest my case.

ooopps!

ps: trust no one.

bee.leave

Guess my updates now are far and in between due to my hectic schedule at work.

Would you like to take tha chance to put your foot down and announce to all and sundry that it's time you need a change in your life, be it in any perspective? To step out of your comfort zone and venture into the unknown, all on your own?

Some would call it brave, some, downright terrfying.
Me?
Excitement :)

But it's enlightening to know that you've grown much to make your own decisions and control the ball in your own court. Just upon looking at the path you're taking, those steps in the right directions. To know that you have the power in your hands to make changes for yourself. 'Life changing' things.

I grow excited at the sound of that prospect/

I'm glad happiness doesn't come knocking at my door,
For every single second of my life,

As feeling it only from time to time,
Makes it the greatest emotion alive,

Like the ultimate God's blessing,
Wishing happiness for everyone and yourself,
Would be the closest you could get to the gates of heaven.

To all my loved ones, I wish you happiness and good health.

a dream come true.

*07 June 2009*
Rozlyn and Ilhan's Wedding.

A Dream Come True,

May GOD bless your marriage.

love xx

My Sanity.

Sometimes I doubt the thoughts in my own head,
Disassembling a perfect puzzle of what I feel and see,

And approving of the uncertainties in my heart,

As though there is another person living inside of me,

It immoralizes this highly perplexed soul,

The complete opposite of a clear conscience,

It sucks my sanity through a growing hole.

p.s: 'a bunch of BLOBS!'

'in here, you decide'

The workdays were propping the terminal quietly erasing the week and I was at the very end thinking about the possibility of one to love unconditionally and the words that drive into the ground their repetition starts to thin their meaning. Then everything got frighteningly still as they entered and intersected the floor and I tried to choke my stare at the perfection that others would kill for. But all of the parts are the same on every face. The differences pale when compared to the similarities they share. Finally there is clarity and there is purpose after all, but every night ends the same as I'm collapsing once more by your side. Finally there is clarity: This tiny life is making sense, and every drop numbs the both of us, but I alone am staggering.

Finally, after months of avoidance, I relented into watching Twillight. I bawled like a baby in the ending. It was soooo romantic! And Edward Cullen's superbly, irresistably HOT HOT HOT! Alas, this movie tells me to keep my emotions that has run askew in check. -_-

Difficulties might not stop,
Things may not get easier.

sigh.

maybe,now or foreverrrrrrrrrr

Maybe we're holding on too tightly,

Maybe we need a little space in between our feet,

Maybe we need to let go of these locked fingers,

Maybe just for a little while,

Maybe only sometimes,

But definitely we need to realise,

That even if our hands do not touch,

Our hearts will always be,

Like a binded story book,

A biography of us two,

Pages with no end.

-----<3

We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future. As if figuring it out will somehow cushion the blow, but the future is always changing. The future is the home of our deepest fears and our wildest hopes. But one thing is certain, when it finally reveals itself, the future is never the way we imagined it.

X

Embrace the time you have now, because you never know when it will be taken away from you. Treasure the ones you love and especially those who love you because you never know when you're gonna lose them. Live everyday like it is your last, without regrets. Because in reality, we all don't have much time left. We still need to learn, we need to love and we need to live.

We still need to fall down a thousand more times before we really learn. We have to dust ourselves off, stand up and try yet again. We have to taste failure a hundred more times before we get to taste success. We have to feel loss so we know how to treasure the ones that we still have. We need to die a little to really live. Because it's not about having everything be perfect, the best we can do is put together all the little things that matter. Remember the good over the bad. Making them count more than all the bad stuff. And then we have faith that we'll get through it.

X

Did you say it? I love you. I don’t ever wanna live without you. You changed my life. Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it. But every now and then, look around. Drink it in. Cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow.

rocksttarrzzzzzzzzz

We're the party Celebutantes.

hertz (acoustic show - 090509)

smashhiing!

c'mon play;

This organ thumps with every touch,

Forcing life through my veins,

Crack open this skull and liberate thinking,

Just like an amnesiac's memory,

Make me remember nothing,

Break my ribs and eradicate expiration,

I will breathe once covered in dirt,

You have the last of me in your hands,

Release, finish, decease,

I want you to bury this heart.

How many wrongs make a right?
I've learned to listen through the silence. What's left unspoken is what needs to be heard. Often, what's left unsaid, is the most dangerous of all. There is no innocence, just reticence. Love has two equal parts, as a prey, there is no excuse. No one fancies being used, and one day it's gonna get back to you. Predicability is your flaw. This is merely a masquerade and two can play this game.

scumbags.

Every storm brings with it hope that somehow by morning everything will be made clean again and even the most troubling stains would have disappeared like the doubts over his innocence or the consequence of his mistake, like the scars of his betrayal or the memory of his kiss. So we wait for the storm to pass, hoping for the best even though we know in our hearts some stains are so indelible nothing can wash them away.

What goes around comes around. Why do we still stand up for people who don't even give a fuck about us? Why do we do everything in our power to make them feel better when they did nothing but give us pain? Why do we care for people who only care for themselves? Why do we change ourselves for people when they are the ones who need to change? Why do we bother for people who are so self-centered, that the only person they could ever love is themselves?

Tears sometimes flow endlessly like the oldest of waterfalls.

I need strength.

I need courage.

I need faith.

I need hope.

GOD is GREAT.

Jessica Mauboy - Running Back

These days you barely even say my name, like you don't really feel the same

I'm wondering whats to blame, these nights i fall asleep wondering where you are

It feels like we're falling apart

And its only breaking my heart

Cause if being with you means being alone, and never knowing when you're coming home

Then i guess im better off on my own

But i cant move on

Cause that means forgetting, forgetting everything we've had

Instead i keep coming, keep coming, i keep running back

Cause i keep forgetting, forgetting you treat me so bad

So i keep on coming, keep coming, i keep running back

My friends say that i should leave you behind, and stop wasting all my time

They tell me that i am out of my mind

But i know that what we both share is real, and i've been willing to deal

With the way that you're making me feel

Ma ma ma mama caught up

We done all heard the same story

Just different authors this book crazy

Always a lady looking for love where there's a lame

They might could be together

They fight to be together

Aight to be together Shorty yeah he cheated

You say you don't need it, turn around and leave it

Oh he back next week

Fuss...Fight And then the whole thing repeat like nothing ever happened

No publishing Shorty you knew that he don't got the same government

Lil mama can't move on

But it's her fault she struggling

She can't...move...on

Cause that means forgetting, forgetting everything we've had

Insted I keep coming, keep coming,I keep coming back

remember me.

1. Everyone feels like everyone else, just not at the same time
2. People are unpredictable
3. Letting go is better than maintaining control
4. Absolutely nothing good can come out of overthinking things

already gone.

We can fall a million times and still not learn. We can almost drown but still we don't avoid dangerous waters. We get hurt but we still rush headlong towards the person that is the source of pain. Won't we ever learn? We all wanna be happy but to what extent do we owe our happiness to? Is it calculated by the number of times we get hurt plus the number of times our hearts get trampled on and then divided by the number of times we held our hopes high in the hopes that it will get better multiplied by the number of times that it does get better? Is that the recipe for happiness? Or is that the recipe for disaster?

You tell me.

Maybe being happy is not about having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe its about stringing together all the little things , making them count more than the bad stuff. Or maybe we just get through it, and that's all that we can ask for.

I want to put together all the little things, the imperfect things.

keep the faith, my friend.

I've seen the lightning flashing
Heard the thunder roll
I feel the cold winds blowing
Trying to conquer my soul

If I just hold my peace, let God fight my battles. If I can keep the faith through the night.
I hear the voice of reason telling me to fight on. Cos' I come to know I've come too far to turn around.

Weeping may endure for a night
But joy is gonna come tomorrow
Though I go through the fire
I shall come out as pure gold

When problems come just keep the faith. It won't be long until the day things will turn around if you just stand your ground.

Its Not Always Rainbows And Butterflies.

When will these kind of people ever learn? It's fair enough to say that people make mistakes. Once is understandable, but if you do it more than once?It's called stupidity. Plain and simple. Telling you to grow up will just be a waste of my time because seeing as how at your age, you still have yet to reach that level of maturity that is usually associated with people who are within your age range? That is just sad. My deepest sympathy goes out to you, and your fellow comrades.

I just don't understand the deal with people who think that the world revolves around them. You keep thinking and over-analyzing on the words of others, worrying to death that they are talking about you when they probably aren't. Gosh, aren't you so full of yourself? And the irony is that, seeing as how you are so god damn full of yourself, you still aren't contented. Enjoy this state of delusion while you can, it won't be long till the fog clears up and you're left with absolutely nothing.

The lollipop shoes has taught me one thing. That thing that you thought had created a rift, is in fact the glue that binds. It just crossed boundaries, created bridges and all that hurt, just combined and brought you closer than you think you were. The act of separation was just like a rubber band, pulled tightly apart and when you let go, you snap right back where you started.

It's frustrating to know how some people are just so fucking oblivious to everything else but themselves. It's like living in a bubble, everything looks so nice and every thing's floating but you forget what happens if that bubble bursts and you fall flat on your stupid face. And I think you should fall flat on your stupid face. It's one thing to be oblivious, it's another thing to be delusional as well. I mean, come on. Could you get any stupider? But then again, you cannot possibly be any stupider than you already are right now because you are the epitome of Stupid. And that is not something to be proud about.

You are obviously no threat to me but your very existence just irks me. You think that everything revolves around you. Newsflash girl, the world revolves on its own axis, not around you. Now isn't that unnerving?

Don't generalize us and assume shit about us because that's as far as my limit goes. Cross that and you're dead. Better watch your back and your mouth aye? Or else you'll end up with your face on the floor faster than you can flutter your fake eyelashes.The day you were born into this world, you gave a face to the word of stupidity.

Maybe it's wise not to look up to the sky directly when the sun is right above your head. That glare just might cloud your vision to see the beautiful things clearly. Aye?

love lost

My friend and I were talking the other day about the famous quote “Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.” My friend said she would rather have never loved, and I said I would rather have loved and lost. I told her in one of my best emo lines ever “I would rather have loved and lost, because to have never loved, would feel as if my life was incomplete.”

To love is an essential of life in my opinion. It seems all of life is about love, in one form or another. To go through life without love, would be to not live at all. If I never was to have a serious relationship, I would feel as if I was missing out on a vital part of life. Being deeply in love with someone, changes your life. It is dangerous to put your emotions on the line, with the possibility of ultimate failure and rejection, but if it is the one that you truly love, it makes it ultimately worthwhile. Even if my love was likely to fail, I would still pursue it, for that small sliver of hope I possessed. Even in death, love would make life worthwhile.

Loss is another essential of life. It is impossible to live life without the threat and experience of loss. Everyone has, in one form or another, experienced loss, some deeper than others. Everyone, at one time or another will experience loss, around them and on a personal level. Loss causes the heart to weep, but it’s an unavoidable part of life. Ultimately, to love means to lose, for even if you are together for all your life, one of you will still eventually die, leaving the other behind. Yet, loss is a matter of perspective. Have you truly lost, to live a life with love? Have you lost, to never take the risk of love?

So when I hear the quote “Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all” I think the writer of that, actually meant, to not have loved, would essentially be loss in the end, therefore it would be better to have loved and lost than to live life without love. Loss and love are two essentials of life, both are necessary for life and both cannot be had, without the other.

absolutely sickk.

i need a brreak.

4 MAY, come quick! I can already smell Patong beach!

i wanna dive in the Indian Ocean.

i wanna seafood everyy meal.

i wanna island hop, swim in the blue clear water with the fishes amongst coral reefs.

i wanna sleep and tan on the upper deck of the speedboat.

i wanna be free.

aand i said,

Sometimes belief is deliberate self-deceit.
You trick your mind into believing something.
And it doesn't even matter if the truth clearly defies it.

breaking point???

I'm emotionally,physically and mentaly drained!

Work has been hectic and for the first time ever I'm heavy hearted to work. Running away may seem like a cowardly thing to do, but sometimes we are left with no choice. Life gets so hard and unbearable that we keep facing the same things over and over again, regardless of how many times we've resolved it. It just keeps coming back to haunt us.

Running away doesn't necessarily mean that we're cowards but maybe we choose to run away because we're tired of going through the same motions everyday and not getting any further in life. The problems, the setbacks and the seemingly impossible challenges that we face, just seem too much, too mundane and too unbearable. That's when we decide we want a new lease of life. A chance to start anew. A clean slate. To go somewhere where no one knows us and how we were before we got there. A chance to rebuild ourselves and our lives.

Who could resist an opportunity like that? I know I couldn't. I just want to give myself a chance to prove to myself that I can get somewhere on my own, survive and succeed. I owe it that much to myself to at least try. If only money wasn't a problem, I would buy the first plane ticket out of here.

In this world where patience lacks,
I'm just trying to make everything closer to right.

faith.

My faith is here to stay,
If you believe in it every single day,
It's following me to my grave,
Everything's going to be okay,
Our hearts will be safe,
Believe in what I have to say,
For our hope is our shadow today.

The past has its fingernails stuck to our necks,
It hurts so much but we tell ourselves,
Don't look back,
Keep our minds set on the future,
Don't we go dare go off track.

Nobody told me a trail of regrets would follow as I was moving forward.

a wonderful journey (Swissport Singapore)

Life's not about setting boundaries. It's about pushing yourself to the utmost limits to see how well you can handle it, not how you break under the pressure. Most people run away from unfamiliarity, strange things and problems. It's human nature, you say. But I beg to differ. I think the most remarkable humans are the ones that stay on despite the sting of unfamiliarity. Despite the unknown, the instability and the pain of the hurt that is yet to come. Not content with just knowing what they can handle, but pushing themselves to venture into the unknown even if it might just hurt them. All the while knowing the consequences of their actions that might take a toll on their lives. Wrong decisions are made every single day by everyone of us.

We decide to quit when the going gets tough. We decide to run away whenever we get scared. We refuse to give other's a chance when all the while, we've been begging for one. We refuse to see the bigger picture for what it really is simply because we're scared of the truth. We're scared that we might see something we don't want to. We're scared that we might hear what we don't want to. Most of all, we're scared to have to face something that we don't have the answer or solution to.

Those who run along and face the unknown,they're what I would call remarkably brave.

If there's a crisis you don't freeze. You move forward. You get the rest of us to move forward. Because you've seen worse. You've survived worse. And you know, we'll survive too.

Thank you for the wonderful memories. It has been a pleasurable journey (Feb 2006-Mar 2009).

preeety pleeease.

Zara's Jacket/Boots.


COACH Bag Madison Collections.


RED Killer Stilettos Marc Jacobs.


Get me them.
Please.
Anyone.

goodbye.

Things have been getting from bloody unbearable to worse. You think that people who love you wouldn’t hurt you right? Wrong. Sometimes those who love you the most can hurt you the worst. No one is spared from pain. No matter how hard you try. The only way you won’t feel pain is when you die. Even then, a whole different place awaits you and you don’t even know what lies ahead.

But I’d give anything; I swear anything, to leave. Leave this stupid country. Leave my condescending family. Leave my career. Leave the pain, the suffering, the humiliation. Leave the emotional baggage behind.

Give me a good reason why I should even stay? There’s no reason for me to stay. No reason at all. Not even one. I want to find my life somewhere else. Start anew. On my own. Anything will be better than staying here. Call it ego. Whatever. I wanna leave. For good.

I'm calculating what's left inside me.

cos' i am

Sometimes I think I'm crazy. No, it's not the crazy you have in mind. Trust me, I've been called crazy one too many times. Nevertheless, I haven't really thought about that word. What does it mean when someone calls you crazy and actually being crazy? And who actually has the right in this world to create rules about life and how to live life? If mistakes are bound to happen, why should we be punished in the first place? Why should we have leaders when we care so much about equality? Why have concerts like Live Earth when people actually litter at the vacinity itself? Why bother talking about world peace when war has never stopped, even for a second? What makes you think the world is going to last forever when pieces of land are sinking every single day? Why should you bother taking care of your health when you know you're going to die anyway? Why should we build relationships when we're going to leave this earth alone?

My mother just came into my room and called me weird.
Maybe I am weird. Maybe I am crazy. Well, who is and who isn't?
Who actually has the final say?

Psychologists, therapists, random strangers?

Well, have we forgotten that they are just human beings who make mistakes too?

Now you tell me.

hocus'pocus

Black magic or dark magic is a form of sorcery that draws on assumed malevolent powers. It may be used for dark purposes or malevolent acts that deliberately cause harm in some way.

In fiction it refers to evil magic. In modern times, people who practice magic use the term to describe power utilized for means of gaining power and wealth or taking revenge.

Black magic would be invoked to kill, to steal, to injure, to cause misfortune or destruction, or for personal gain without regard to harmful consequences to others. As a term, "black magic" is normally used to describe a form of ritual that some group or person does not approve of.

All forms of magic are evil, or black magic. This view generally associates black magic with Satanism. The persons that maintain this opinion include those belonging to most branches of Christianity, Islam, Judaism, and Hinduism. Some people on the left-hand path would agree that all magic, whether called "white" or "black", is the same. These people would not contend that all magic is evil so much as that morality is in the eyes of the beholder -- that any magic can have both good and bad consequences depending on who judges those consequences. In this school of thought, there is no separation between benevolent and malevolent magic because there is no universal morality against which magic can be measured.

For the sake of humanity, I commend your pursuit of knowledge and your keenness to seek what is lawful and avoid what is not. We earnestly implore God to bless our efforts in this honorable way, be it any faith you believe in.

the PRICE is LIGHT!

When times are tough, travel budgets take a hit, which is why many people are going for low cost carriers rather than any full pledged airline.

Cue the low cost carriers, also known as budget airlines. Basically, NO FRILLS. You get what you pay. Obviously you can't expect a VIP service for a $200 ticket to Ho Chi Minh?

The worldwide revolution in budget air carriers is intriguing for a budget traveler.

After decades of wrestling with train timetables and planning overnight trips to avoid wasting precious daylight in transit, travelers can now fly between cities on their itineraries without emptying their bank accounts.

But the cynical always wonder if there is a catch. Is service sacrificed? How will I be treated at the discount airline counter?

There is no way to quantify the overall experience one might have on the dozens of budget carriers now crisscrossing the globe. It's fair to say your encounters might be awful, tremendous, or anything in between.

From my personal experience, flying budget carriers are basically a traveler, traveling light, simple and hassle-free.

Booking in cyberspace must be done with care.

Budget airlines use of the Internet for 95% of its bookings could have drawbacks. As with any online purchase, one careless click or a frozen computer screen could lead to purchases you did not intend. Efficiency aside, this always lead to customers complaining that they're being overcharged of their money when they're the fools. It is why the call-centre lines are always busy.

Some airports are far from the city center.

Budget airlines often operate away from the major airports. Most landing meant walking on the tarmac in the rain for a few seconds. Given what you had paid for the flight, don't too concerned about the raindrops. You might feel differently.

If the airport is far-removed from the city, be sure to factor in ground transportation costs as you decide if the fare is a good deal.

Expect a quick turnaround.

Aircraft usually will not arrive until probably 15 minutes before takeoff. The airline's business module says this allows for extra rotations (more flights) on high frequency routes, but it sometimes results in delays.
Business travelers: Be slow to assume there will be a delay simply because the aircraft has not yet appeared.

Food service means paying for your meal.

In an effort to keep costs down, meals are a la carte on these generally short flights. If that bothers you, consider that you're paying for "free" food when you buy a more expensive ticket elsewhere.

You'd better be on time.

Remember: Check-in for every flight closes 45 minutes prior to scheduled departure. It's hard for some to accept that they have "missed" a plane that in some cases hasn't even arrived at the gate, but that's the policy. As we've noted, they generally don't make exceptions unless extenuating circumstances exist for a number of passengers. You've been warned. You'll be warned on your confirmation email, too. And you'll be warned by big signs in many of the airports. Plan accordingly.

Heavy baggage will cost you.

Budget airlines uses small aircrafts. So please lug your excessive baggages and boxes to a cargo plane if you're not willing to pay for the excess baggage payments.

Final thought; My personal experience was good.

Budget travelers do not mind being pampered, but most realize saving money often requires sacrifice. I found those sacrifices are minimal. I saw no difference in seat comfort or service. I travel without heavy baggage, so there were no weight fees to pay. My savings on airfares more than compensated for the higher ground transportation costs.

Your experience with budget carrier could be far different. But the benefits on my flights far outweighed any drawbacks.

your side of the bed.

I roll around under the covers and wish you were snuggled up next to me.

The constant rainy weather has got me feeling lazy. With the weather so tempting, I'm glad I don't have to get up to go anywhere.

How I love the rain. There's nothing better than snuggling under the blanket with a good book and a cup of hot chocolate :)

the mighty tissues

Today, I would like to talk about ugly Singaporeans. They're rampant everywhere.

For example, I board the bus 27 everyday weekday morning to get to work and it is always jam-packed with commuters. Naturally, some people get the luxury of a seat while others have to stand through out the whole journey.

Those standing scans the ones sitting with sharp eyes of a hawk, hunting for the next available seats. Once somebody gets off his/her seat, a struggle-and-shoving match ensues to see who will emerge the victor and obviously, to the victor goes the spoils. Some people will not even move to the back of the bus because they know who gets off at what stop, so they'll stand infront of the poor fellow till he/she is about to alight.

And another example.














All Hail, The Mighty Tissue Packets!

I used my camera phone to take this picture when my boyfriend and I were having dinner at FOOD CULTURE at Century Square. We were given the unique opportunity to behold this typical and blatant Singaporean quirk.

Mind you, the people who used those tissue packets were working adults of decent or high education.

Tsk. Terribly, horribly, horendously ugly.