drain-ed

It’s never a good thing to set hopes on someone/something.
Because when it doesn’t go the way you want it to, you experience an ugly emotion.
That sheer disappointment.
It’s something that sends your hopes plummeting all the way to the balls of your feet.
If it could go all the way to the depths of the earth, it would.
Rendering all thoughts of letting your fragile little heart to hope again.
You’re acutely aware of it.
Yet you can do nothing.
But to hope again.

Okay, no more depressing, morbid posts.

All minute matters when added together become a huge thing that would need Herculean strength of mind and heart to overcome it.
All the pressure is doing me in.
Slowly, little by little, it’ll eat up my willpower and sap my determination to overcome the shits that’s happening.
I’m being unfair to those around me, those who care for me, those who love me.
But deep down in the dark recess of my heart, I just feel like giving up.
Completely.

Something has been bugging me for quite sometime.
I’m going through a phase of critical thinking and identity crisis.
I’ve been asking myself many questions of late.
Have I been the best daughter that I could be?
Have I been the best sister that I could be?
Have I been the best girlfriend that I could be?
Have I been the best bestfriend that I could be?
Have I been the best supervisor that I could be?
Have i?
It’s been eating me up whole.
I’m so enraptured in living my life to the fullest.
Doing as many things humanly as possible in a day. To ensure that time doesn’t trickle wastefully by without spending it fruitfully, in my definition. But as I went along with living my life, I realized I’ve prioritized all the wrong things for the wrong reasons at the wrong times.
I’m responsible for putting myself where I’m at now. I have to be. I know I must be.
Life is a bitch. It takes so little to make a mistake. It takes so much to rectify it.