a beautiful mess.

The end of the year brings a strange kind of exhaustion my way, though I can feel things start to improve pretty late in the day. I just need a day to recover from all the crazy business of the past few weeks!

x

Girls night should be a break from the norm, but when it's the same routine every week, the excitement dies out and the sanctity of girls night is challenged! I'm dreading the same ol' trip to the local club -- and if I hear "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" one more time, I'm swearing off ladies night for eternity.

However last night was pure fun. Myself and my girls practically rocked Movida's dancefloor. Salsa,baby! (:

Next, New Year's eve! ((:

"Sometimes a girl wants nothing more than to feel unapologetically pretty."

xxx

I believe you and I were created as one, before even our consciousness was created. I believe we were torn apart and strewn, and love, as you know it, as I understand it, is the act of picking up the pieces, finding each other, and trying to fit ourselves together. I know this because the blood in your eyes matches the pain deep in mine. I have not found peace; I fight to win because what you see is all that I have.

I've been broken. But don't you see that we are all broken in some way, waiting for someone to find us and fix us? I expose my scars to you because you are my best friend, and best friends deserve to know how I feel about my father leaving, or my first disillusionment of love in the face of disloyalty, or the resentment that builds up from needing to fight harder than others because the world was not built upon virtues of fairness. I want forever, and I want it with you. I had fought so hard and so long that I had forgotten what it felt like to be disarmed. All that you had discovered is all that I have.

We know it is never that simple.

Allow me this revealing thought: You and I were created as one. And love, as I understand it, is finding you and loving you with all my heart.

what a beautiful thought.

pushing daisies.

I resolve to:

Wear sunblock everyday even on my body

Give away the clothes I never wear away

Figure out why I "really" need 5 different online profile

Not name my child strange names like Bronx Mogley, Bluebell Madonna, or Audio Science when I have kids (Ashley Simpson, Geri Halliwell and Shannyn Sossoman are you reading this?)

Carry on spending like there's no tomorrow - it will help the economy

Not freak out if I miss the first 2 minutes of America's Next Top Model or Heroes

Throw out all lipsticks, mascarras and creams that went nasty 6 months ago

Not go to bed without removing my makeup off - no matter how tired or tipsy I am

Quit smoking

Stop superpoking friends on Facebook

Bring back It bags!

All in all; We can resolve to lose weight, quit smoking and get out of debt any time of the year. But trying something completely different, standing up for yourself, channelling your inner dominatrix or even volunteer with MSF in Dahur, Africa, now that's the stuff that deserves some 1st January celebratory fireworks and bubbly. My feel? Attracting love and wealth in the New Year

Love;

Waves a magic wand over this world and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful

Captivating;

A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Its loveliness increases, it will never pass into nothingness

Earthy;

Beauty comes as much from the mind as from the eye

Feminine;

Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it

Fresh;

There is certainly no absolute standard of beauty. That is precisely what makes its pursuit so interesting

Passionate;

Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got

Mesmerising;

Love of beauty is taste. The creation of beauty is art.

xoxo

solemn florals.

Whenever I have expensive taste, it's hard to hold back from the good stuff. When I'm shopping, that Louis Vuitton bag just calls to me. Well, it seems that I've gotta sacrifice my taste level longer till the global economy takes a peak.

It's like bidding war. You never know when the stock market plunges down or go stake high. Bummer!
It never crossed my mind that the world recession could affect me
It is, NOW.
It is.

Countdown; 4 more days to '09
Let's hope it'll be a fruitful year.

xoxo

flames of life.

When you are a kid you have your own language, and unlike French or Mandarin or whatever you start learning in school, this one you're born with, and eventually lose. Everyone under the age of seven is fluent in Ifspeak; go hang around with someone under three feet tall and you'll see. What if a giant funnelweb spider crawled out of the hole over your head and bit you on the neck? What if the only antidote for venom was locked up in a vault on the top of a mountain? What if you lived through the bite, but could only move your eyelids and blink out an alphabet? It doesn't really matter how far you go; the point is that it's a world of possibility. Kids think with their brains cracked wide open; becoming an adult, I've decided, is only a slow sewing shut.

My candle burns at both ends;

It will not last the night;

But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends -

It gives a lovely light!

for the greater good.

As we quickly approach the New Year, I find myself looking back on 2008 and reflecting on all events - both good and bad that have transpired. I feel there’s really no better way to remember the passing of time than through pictures.

This year seemed to bring about a stormy upheaval, with more bad news than good. Natural disasters in a variety of forms - the devastating earthquake in China, hurricanes and wildfires buffeting the US and a continuous series of man-made disasters that rocked the world economic communities - flourished without relent.

It seemingly started with the sub-prime mortgage crisis, followed by a tsunami like ripple effect, causing havoc throughout the global financial industry. And if that wasn’t enough bad news, the web of global terrorism continued to widen its reach in new ways, on new frontiers.

While perhaps not all of this year’s events are framed by what I would consider truly iconic images, there are generally always pictures to serve as a visual reference and document the passing of time historically.

One picture that left a lasting impact on me was one from the earthquake in China. It’s actually a picture from the Sichuan earthquake that took place in August. Of all the pictures I looked at from the earthquake coverage, this one seemed to stand out while I was reading the news from straits times online which I'd like to share to all.
The picture shows a woman shielding a child, their bodies being unearthed in a fallen house by Chinese soldiers. The woman and child lie almost angelically in a red clay soil and the soldiers, dressed in red-clad camouflage carefully digging around them with their hands. The woman and child were apparently buried in falling debris inside a house during the quake.

I found the picture quite surreal really; it was almost like the soldiers were carefully unearthing a relic at archaeological site. I was touched by several elements of the pictures, the colour, the symmetry of the subjects and the message it conveyed. A woman shielding a child in harm’s way, only to end in vain was quite touching.

Let’s hope 2009 brings us on a happier note.

get over.

Okay, so he might slip into my dreams (or nightmares!) every once in a while. And I may still wonder how he's doing -- or if he's already got a new girl by his side. Well, how can I tell if I'm over and done with?

• I have no desire to kiss him just one last time.

• I'm ready to start doing the things I did before we got together. Doing yoga in the middle of the living room floor, having all-night gabfests with my girls...you know, the things that always drove him crazy. Good thing he's not around to whine about it!

• I've stopped checking his Myspace or Facebook profile -_-

• He's got a new girl on his arm, and all I can think is, "So what?" I've been that girl, and I know what she's in for. I've seen all of his emotional baggage -- heck, I even carried it around for a while -- and I don't envy her. She can have him!

• I wouldn't think twice about rekindling the love. No matter how much he begged, apologized or stood outside of my window in the rain blasting my favorite song while holding a radio over his head...I'm sooo done.

BUT,

• I still talk to my friends about him.

• I can't remember why we broke up (yeah right!). But I'm pretty sure it's forgivable.

Sheesh. I guess this is normal.

Okay, it's your turn to spill.

xoxo

rock out like a gossip girl!

As strong women, we're often in touch with what makes us unhappy and unsatisfied in life. I always believe we are born to this world for a purpose, be it for the better or for the worse.
Till right this precise moment, I do not understand how a single human can have so much hatred and jealousy in their hearts.

Well, perhaps I have an emotional range of a teaspoon.

the place where a star used to be.

What a huge mess it turned out to be. I've always thought I was the only one feeling it, and thank GOD am not. It's so frustrating. ALL of these are unnecessary and uncalled for. Things had been going on well before. *sighs

I've been putting up alot, and I can only take in so much. I'm dreading work. And it sucks, big time. I love my job. Frankly, I do not know how long more I can endure the shits.

The greater the power, the greater the responsibilities are.

Its another challenge, I guess.

-_-

On another note.

I understand the allure: You're combing through junk mail and suddenly you're pre-approved. Imagine that -- I'm ... approved! The next thing I know I'm $hundreds in the hole and wondering how the heck I got there. It can be super tempting to apply for all those store credit cards with their promises of discounted swag. In an ideal world, I wouldn't carry any cards. In reality, one is definitely enough.

I've been lax about my payments. I've gotta stay on top of it before I get blasted. And taking cash advances, the interest rates are sky high and service fees are tacked on -- it's basically one big mess!

I need to stop spending and start saving. This will be my NY resolution, hopefully.

solitude, singing a lullaby.

Away.

Run away.

Running away.
I am unable to decipher much emotions right now. All I want to do is run and not look back. Scream, till my voice go hoarse.

I hope, and reverently hope.

And hope.

And endlessly hope.

Only to have my hopes thwarted. Only to see the futility of it. Only to stop short and fall flat on my face. Only to welcome nothing but confounding disappointment with open arms. Apparently, I should be relatively immune to this by now. The heart quails from the disillusionment.

The heart and the mind exhange quick and deadly parries. Yet the heart always emerge victorious, though not unscathed. And so the vicious cycle continues. I've resigned myself to the perpetual need to hope.

I'm letting the chips fall where it may.

-_-

And now.

Lo and behold.

Looking forward to 2009.

X

The tsunami of jumbled and asinine thoughts crashing in my head. The incapability to control my emotions. I sense the sweeping grand entrance of the infamous PMS looming ahead.

X

You'd Answer Me, The Night Is Wonderful.

True love is felonious. You take someone's breath away. You rob them of the ability to utter a single a word. You steal a heart. Any judge would toss that case out on its ass. You'd be surprised. Once you're in, its for life.

I have always been eminently curious. If you listen to enough infomercials you start to believe some crazy things: Brazilian honey can be used for leg wax, that knives can cut metal, that the power of positive thinking can work like a pair of wings to get you what you need to be. Thanks to a little bout of insomnia and way too many doses of NJPPK, I decided one day to force myself into imagining what it would be like after marriage. That way, when it happened, I'd be ready.

I kept at it for weeks. It is harder than you think to keep yourself in the future. My way of dealing this was to pretend I am already married. It could be to my current boyfriend, or to any blank face I see myself with. Bottom line, its pretense. I am convinced that there is a censor sitting on my brain with a red stamp, reminding me what I am or am not supposed to think about. It's probably a good thing. I have a feeling that if I really try to figure out who I am in the future, I'm not going to like who I see.

It scares me, marriage. But it excites me at the same time. Well as for now, let live and breathe life. Aah .. the scent of life, how much more agreeable, laughing, praying, celestial and delicious it is. Nothing is more memorable, for life can be unexpected, momentary and fleeting, yet conjure up a childhood summer beside a lake in the mountains.

rock your ugly!

Are you brave enough to rock your ugly -- and to prove that different is beautiful? Labels may enhance your outlook, BUT hey Kiddo! it definitely does not beautify your personality. I'm the working adult here, and I know how hard money comes by. I admit I splurge on labels too, but occasionally.

Well babygirl, my lips are sealed, but let's just say "ugly" has ALWAYS been so beautiful. A piece of advice, be true to yourself, and you'll find life much more meaningful and worthwhile (:

quirky + different = beautiful!

rock MY ugly!

dark alley.

He tells you that you'll never be good enough or that you'll never amount to anything. He calls you names, criticizes your body or says that you're stupid. And he makes you question yourself and your value. Sound familiar? If these words, actions or circumstances are coming from the man you love -- whether he's your boyfriend, your father or another man in your life -- you may be the victim of emotional abuse.
Unlike physical or sexual abuse, there are no scars or physically painful acts that you can point to as harmful. But emotional abuse is just as painful, scarring and damaging to your self-esteem -- and you, in all your amazingness, deserve sooo much better.

Unfortunately, emotionally abusive relationships can leave you feeling powerless, even believing that he's right when he says you're not a valuable, good person.
But the most important thing you can do is realize your worth -- allow yourself the right to live in an environment where your worth is acknowledged and respected. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

And deciding that you don't deserve this kind of relationship is the hardest part, believe me. But once you do decide to recognize your fabulousness and get help, just know that there IS support.

That step will be all the more easy if you reach out for help and support. True friends will always be there when you need them.

dang it!

I know its been awhile since I last updated this blog. Hell, I've been too busy what not with work! Blearghh -_-
I love my job, I really do. I guess its just the pressure (and the bitchyness of the office environment) that's putting me down. Excitement touched with a mingling sadness. How utterly perplexing!
Anyhoos! On a happier note, I should be looking forward to this weekend (: 4 days OFF!! Parties and girlfriends meet up coming up (:

X

To God-bless-your-pitiful-life,

I'm not like you. I won't bother being one of you. I'd question my sanity if I do. With enough noise/bickering production to attract people's attention in that infamously annoying way. Betcha didn't know that, looking at how truly PLASTIC you actually are.

The difference between me and you?

I'm not power hungry. Neither do I need to gain cheap popularity. It's skanks like you that concretes people's stereotypes about 'Malays with Power'.

You're itching to pick on me? Say it to my face. Not when my back's turned.

Then you'll get your fight.

Biatch.

amor'

Droplets of tear-shaped diamonds fall from the sky.
A benign smile gracefully offered to parched lands.
A beautiful sight for the eyes and senses to behold.
Yet the heart does not partake the same luxury.
Sorrowful consciousness resides in the heart.
Of hopes longed to be fulfilled.
Of words longed to be made good of.
Yet the adamant heart refuses to yield.
To admit the grave fact that illusions exists.
The mind tells the heart to desist.
The heart rejects the pleas.
It believes love is the answer.
Love hurts, love heals.
The skies, my eyes.
The rain, my tears.
The sorrow and hurt my love.
The heals and hopes, my heart.