Memory Keeper

City Of Roses.

2012-02-03T00:15:00.004+08:00

Portland, Oregon

January 2012

minnesot-ah !

2011-10-20T20:17:00.003+08:00

counting down .. (9)

soar.

2011-10-19T17:08:00.001+08:00

I AM BACKKKK!

Santa Monica 2011

missed <3

lairyfights & tairyfales

2010-08-19T14:09:00.012+08:00

"You were my constant connection, of that little girl and fairy lights"

Is it possible to have such an intense connection with someone? Without words,without warning and with absolutely no rationale. A connection so deep that it completely threw me off my present phase and spiraling down a whole new different road. A path that I would never even think of actually surpassing.

understatement.

2010-08-08T21:48:00.004+08:00

Things about the irony of life makes you ponder incessantly over funny quirks thrown your way, adding zest and vibrancy to your existence.

Oh, hello bad old flame :)

the forgotten soul.

2010-06-08T18:50:00.005+08:00

Honestly, I'm so sick of

Thinking about tomorrow.

Thinking about next week.

Thinking about next month.

Thinking about next year.

Thinking about 3 years down the road.

Thinking about 5 years down the road.

It's like I've been programmed to perpetually think.

And then I think about what's gonna happen if I did this and what's gonna happen if I do that.

Gone are the days where you can just sit pretty and watch your life idly pass you by. Living day by day without a care in the world. Without the frivolity of life that will eventually breeze in. Not lifting a finger to take up choices you want to make because the power of choice was not yours to relinquish. To obediently acquiesce to do what is bidded of you without question or rebellion. Secrets were as rare as a rose in winter and could be safely encased within your breastbone, escaping the notice of others with success. Dreams could be dreamt without any thought of the journey itself, with eyes narrowed and focused only at the destination.

And then, life happens. It doesn't merely happen, it hits you in the face when you least expect it.

You can't afford to be idle in your life anymore. There's no need for questions or rebellion any longer, the power of choice has been abdicated to you. You're brutally pushed on stage with the bright lights flashing crazily in your eyes, forcing you to make decisions at the drop of the hat. Even with the luxury of having time on your hands to think things over, it doesn't neccessarily entail a well made decision. Whether good or bad, you still have no choice but to bear the brunt of the consequences . More woe to you if it was a bad choice. The older you grow, the more secrets you keep with you. The more people you meet, the more secrets gets passed down to you, ensuring safe keeping in the recesses of your heart. That space keeps keeps filling up without reprieve, untill you realise that there's no space left for your own secrets.

When you transcend into the realm of adulthood, you realise that the journey you take to reach your destination holds a degree of importance as well. When choice has been behested upon you, that single road splits into so many other winding roads. Some longer that the rest, with as much detours thrown in as possible. Some doesn't end at your intended destination. Some stops halfway or leads you to another destination entirely.

Choosing that right path meant that you're loading your dreams onto a ship. Once the ship sets sail, your dreams are totally at the mercy of the winds and the waters. It can sail to the vast nothingness of the sea. One can get lost in vastness. Once you're much older, and people ask you about certain dreams you have never achieved, you can trully say "that ship, my friend, has sailed."

Whenever you're making decisions, you tread dangerous waters with light and careful feet, keeping far away from the edges, lest you fall into the realm of the unknown. If you're the type who loathes being caught off-guard or despises not knowing where where you're going, this would probably make you feel like you're trying to make a deal with Hades.

Changes happen. That constant in life, change.

So you look down at the soiled tissue you're holding and feel your damp cheeks, asking yourself what the hell happened.

You can run, but you can never escape reality.

It's such a tantalizing yet fervent wish, to crawl back into the cacoon of safety and oblivion. Of those days that are gone.

I'm effing close to snapping.

luck, no?

2010-03-29T17:48:00.003+08:00

***
the most decisive actions of our life -- I mean those that are most likely to decide the whole course of our future -- are, more often than not, unconsidered.

like every girls, I dream of rainbows and butterflies ..
then I got farking sick of it.

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

2010-03-20T04:27:00.002+08:00

No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen
the friendship of those who are throughout
persuaded of each others worth.

I'm not alone.

2010-03-01T20:09:00.000+08:00

I'm finally beginning to have faith again.
Faith in Him and faith in myself.
It's the only way I can push myself back on the right path and move forward.
So I won't be stuck in this vicious downward spiral no more.

believe while others are doubting.

2010-02-22T00:17:00.004+08:00

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." Eleanor Roosevelt

It's always "jump first, think later" for me. And it has landed me in shit-loads of trouble.

But I've gotten myself into the biggest and most magnificent scrape I could ever get myself into. Once found out, I'm mentally preparing myself for all outcomes imaginable, like being disowned or some things like that.

But I don't regret it. Dear God (this would sound like a most vile blasphemy, due to the nature of the scrape I'm in), I will never regret it. I was of sound mind when I got it, was not influenced by anyone, knew what I was getting myself into and acknowledge to bear the consequences when wind catches of this infamy.

Doing this for myself broke a dreary lull in life, the lack of spontaneity, the lack of bright blotches of color, the lack of a foray of spices to light up an otherwise languid life.

And I hope that others who are dear to me do not censure me as well. It will break my heart.

"So if you have a dream then just believe that you can achieve it no matter what. Even when you can't feel deep in your heart any words of encouragement, just believe in your dream and your heart will finally show you the way."
Shuchi Gupta, from Believe in Your Dreams and Yourself!

thankyou forgivingme faith.

2010-02-20T23:24:00.001+08:00

Ultimately, throughout our life, we become either our own worst enemy or our own very best friend. This love or hate relationship is quietly inside each of us. This relationship with ourselves is affecting everything that we do, every thought we have and choice of actions we take, or don't take, daily. It is greatly linked to how we treat and love others in our life. This relationship with ourselves is always against our self progression or it is for it.

So which one am I becoming?

that all is well;

2010-02-14T19:47:00.004+08:00

.. that all is well. All is going according to plan. Trust that there is a bigger picture. Trust that life is unfolding as it should.
You are stronger than you think you are. Don't forget that.

babypushpa : 9february10

desperate treachery.

2010-02-09T01:17:00.002+08:00

I've always said that in politics, your enemies can't hurt you, but your friends will kill you.
(Ann Richards)

There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity.

(Samuel Johnson)

After going through several setbacks and challenges these past few years, I have learnt to choose my friends carefully. I have chosen the option of integrity instead of quantity. On the contrary, I used to have a large group of friends and acquaintances, online and in person. It was a carefree chapter of my life. I didn't know being friendly and having many connections would jeopardise my own well-being. Maybe what they say is true; as you grow older, you become wiser.

I quote myself: Trust is like a Wonder of the world. Most of the time, it takes years to build. A sturdy foundation is the best defence when facing disasters. Alas, a catastrophe may occur to demolish even the strongest of towers. This, speak through experience. - Amalia Suhaimi

NOTE: (If you agree with me and would like to use this in your blog or wherever, please credit me. My words come from my very own imagination. Do not seek to republish unless willing to regard the creative rights of others. Thanks.)

It doesn't matter if I don't have as many connections as I had before. I won't frown. It's a celebration for the people who've seen me at my worst. Those who had my back through the hardest part of my life. They are the ones that really matter. Future connections would be sincerely accepted if greatly deserved. It's not a matter of selfishness but a moral condition. To myself, and to the ones who truly deserve my friendship. Here's to my loved ones. I thank you.

And as for some people, integrity in friendship is what they have yet to fully acquire.

Thank you for reading.

22.

2010-02-07T01:02:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY TO ME! :)

It has been a hectic week, but despite the shytes, I enjoyed my birthday time well spent with my family and loved ones.

whydowegetmarried?

2010-02-02T04:31:00.003+08:00

If I was asked to describe the perfect vacation, it would be one spent with family and my loved ones. All the other attractions a vacation can offer pale in comparison to uninterrupted time with them.

Some friends of mine believe the perfect vacation is one spent pampered in a luxurious hotel with breathtaking scenery and a heated pool.

When you envision the ‘perfect vacation’ what does your imagination conjure? A luxurious hotel? Delicious food? Entertaining people? Interesting sites? The right weather? Beautiful scenery? The right entertainment? Some of the above? All of the above? An eclectic mixture of all the things mentioned?

Marriage is much like that vacation people dream (or myself, rather perhaps) will take one day, and just like people seek different components to create that perfect vacation, people look for different things in their marriage.

Why do we get married? What does marriage have to offer? How many of the things that marriage has to offer do we recognize and appreciate - especially if they are not part of our dream?

Communication, intimacy and companionship are three of the big draws to a permanent relationship? Money?

Lets put it this way.
A good marriage is the possibility of getting that dream vacation with all its components. Just as it takes a concerted effort to put the dream vacation together, it takes work to bring a marriage to their full potential.

Its never easy or ever will be, I see. But I guess it takes MUCH emotional, spiritual and mental strength (and a tad of physical too?) to slick your way through the many bumpy rides one can encounter.

If only we understood the benefits of marriage, what it can accomplish for us and how it can help us become a better and more wholesome human being the question of ‘why marry’ wouldn’t exist.

jyeay.

simpilcity. NOT!

2010-02-02T01:58:00.003+08:00

Okay I have come to dust off the inch-thick layer of dust and a smattering of spiderwebs decorated artistically about this blog. NOT.

Don't you just wish that you could stop time? Not to enjoy the stillness of time but to figure out your journey in life. Where you want to go, what you want to do and how you go about figuring all that out.

Sometimes it feels like everything else around me is spinning out of control. Everything is moving, except for me. It's like I'm standing by and looking and not doing anything. You wish to run with them but you could never catch up. You wish to walk side by side, but you never could measure up. You wish to follow in their footsteps but the shoes were too big for you to fill in. You wish to shout out to them to wait for you, but no one hears. Everyone is marching to their own rhythm in life, whereas yours is just silence.

You tried running but it didn't get you anywhere. You tried swimming but you almost drowned. You tried flying but you couldn't even get off your feet.

Ok, STOP!

I update this thing so sporadically now it's almost retarded.

ps: But of course, there are things to be gained from the shit that has happened.

Serenity, Now

2010-01-07T05:21:00.002+08:00

Like so many other things, it started out innocent. But there was the scorching hot chemistry that was dangerously at its boiling point. And like they say, when all hell breaks lose, take cover. Or in this case, give in.

It went from simple innocence, to an all out rampage. For all those moments we've struggled to not give in to our desires, was finally allowed to break free. The initial struggling broke down the inaugural defenses. Which then spiraled into the almost desperate temptations that were pulsating from every vein and every nerve.

Due to the initial hindrance , it became an intense, desperate, almost dying attempt at salvation. To which was succumbed to. Finally.

I believe that 2010 is going to be a good year. *Cross my fingers and hope not to jinx it*. Seeing the stuff that are happening and about to happen, I believe this will really be a good year. The clean slate is finally here. I will make full use of it to right my wrongs. And probably for those who've wronged me to make it right again. But I won't give in this time, because some people don't deserve 2nd chances. Because some people don't deserve me. And this is exactly why 2010 is and will be a blessed year.

A word of advice, that feel good emotion, won't really last long if it's not based on reality. Because fleeting hopes never get anywhere, they just float around aimlessly, waiting for something real to happen. But no one should wait for something real to happen. You owe it to yourself to make it happen. Not for anyone else but yourself.

People are losing wisdom because there's this disconnect between the clever, clever brain and the human heart. So what are you doing to connect the two?

xoxo

tango with you .

2009-12-28T01:50:00.001+08:00

If it's worth having, it's worth fighting for

Every girl needs a man; the kind that will treat you right as well as others; the kind that has enough respect for himself, family, and others; the one that will change for you to just be with you. The kind that searches for you with his heart, the kind that can be trusted alone with a room full of many other beautiful ladies, the kind that won’t cheat on you cause he knows he’s got all he wants and needs already, the kind that’s willing to be your friend and lover, the kind that doesn’t mind calling early in the morning to say good morning and late at night to say good night; maybe even sing you a good morning and tell you a good night story or talk to you until you fall asleep.

The kind that will do anything for you, even if it’s just to buy your favorite kind of candy. The kind that will defend and fight for you, the kind that won’t ditch you for his friends when you need him the most, the kind that won’t leave you lonely and wondering. The kind that isn’t afraid to smile to his friends every time you’re around and tell them, “She’s the one.” The kind that appreciates you for the things to do for him, even if they’re small gestures. The kind that actually thanks you for the little love notes you leave him, the kind that is willing to wait for you when you’re falling behind, the kind that will actually open the door for you, take you out on dates once in a while and buy you flowers cause it’s a Wednesday. The kind that notices your hair when you just got it cut or done beautifully for him, the kind that reminds you that he loves you and that he’s happy with you in case you forget.

The kind that kisses your forehead when you’re down, the kind that tells you to be strong and not to cry, the kind that will go through think and thin with, and for you, the kind that just loves you for who you are.

That kind of man, that’s the kind you keep.

pronto.

2009-11-22T23:54:00.003+08:00

You're just like a bruise, it hurts and leaves a mark.

I'm resisting the urge to sulk. I'm just having a bout of down-time.

I'm just sick and tired of the pretend pursuit. I never thought my judgment of someone's character could be so off the charts. My erring judgment clouded my reasoning skills. I thought I knew you, seems like you proved me wrong. No wait .. I guess I proved you wrong.

I wish I could have someone console me the way it seems so easy to console a 5 year old who's crying. I wish you could console me and tell me everything's going to be alright and hug me tight. I wish it was really that easy to make me happier.

When deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive. Forgiveness does not change the past. But it does enlarge the future.

Hence, will you forgive me?

hold on to this.

2009-11-18T11:14:00.005+08:00

I shouldn't look back anymore.

According to Meredith Grey, "The Unexpected is what changes our lives forever".

This is particularly true, to myself anyways. You can't always expect everything to go according to plan, and usually when things don't go according to plan, it goes wrong. But what if that wrong thing happens to be the right thing? The thing that you just need, right at the wrong time. That's when it changes your life forever. I plan to try my best to stop all my unhealthy and harmful addictions because it no longer gives me pleasure or happiness. In fact, it's hindering my happiness and preventing me from finding what I really need. So here's to change. The Unexpected Change.

I badly need the beach.

A Good Mourning.

2009-09-28T06:39:00.000+08:00

According to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, when we're dying or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move through five distinct stages of grief. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

We go into denial because the loss is so unthinkable we can't imagine it's true. We become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves. Then we bargain. We beg. We plead. We offer everything we have, we offer our souls in exchange for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until finally we have to accept that we've done everything we can. We let go. We let go and move into acceptance.

The dictionary defines grief as keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. As surgeons, as scientists, we're taught to learn from and rely on books, on definitions, on definitives. But in life, strict definitions rarely apply. In life, grief can look like a lot of things that bear little resemblance to sharp sorrow.

Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone. It isn't just death we have to grieve. It's life. It's loss. It's change. And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime.

That's how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can't breathe, that's how you survive. By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won't feel this way. It won't hurt this much. Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way. So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty. The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can't control it.

The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes. And let it go when we can. The very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it, it starts all over again. And always, every time, it takes your breath away.

Grief doesn't necessarily be the mourning of a death. It can be the mourning the loss of a relationship, a friendship, a dream, or yourself. As long as its a loss, there will be grief and there will be mourning. Sometimes, the 5 stages of grief doesn't come immediately. Sometimes it takes a while to take effect on you. Sometimes grief can last a long long time, depending on the situation. Sometimes, we just never get out of it.

How do you stop grieving over the loss of yourself? Do you ever stop mourning? Do you ever get over it? How do you finally accept it? Do you have to accept it?

I realize I'm still mourning over alot of things. And finally, blessedly, it's come to the acceptance stage. Things will be better, I just know it.

Happy Monday People.

a stumbling, cliche case ..

2009-09-27T08:53:00.002+08:00

Where do we go from here?

How do we carry on?

I can't get beyond the questions ... Clambering for the scrapsin the shatter of us collapsed. It cuts me with every "could have been."

ps: ego is the beauty of us

seeing me pt2.

2009-09-24T22:36:00.006+08:00

Today ..

It's time to take a larger view of my life and how my recent actions might have affected my path. I took a turn down a new road -- was it the right decision?

"Think about it and figure it out before I continue going any further".

I need to be more reflective about my actions, and add some more discipline into my life.
I'm tryna hold myself back from falling into temptations.

seeing me.

2009-09-22T21:54:00.004+08:00

I have never been particularly immature, but lately I've been noticing a certain shift in myself. This change could really crystallize when I see myself behaving in an unfamiliar way in a familiar situation.
Maybe I'm calmer.
Maybe I don't take things as personally.
Maybe I stay objective.
Maybe I'm seeing what it's like to be an adult.

reuter?

2009-09-12T19:59:00.003+08:00

Can you believe it?

From the very day it all started,

I will continue to hold you dear,

Though you and I know how pessimistic my optimism is,
I still think, dream and hope for our bright future ahead,

You being nearest to my heart for all time.

And I, predominantly having thoughts of you on my mind,

What if I said I need you for the rest of my life and hopefully thereafter,

Would it be out of line?

swim with me upstream for throughout the years
visualize this beautiful dream through the waterfall of tears.

cousinlovetruckloads.

2009-09-10T00:03:00.002+08:00

syugahh !

imma sillyyy romantic.

2009-09-09T08:03:00.001+08:00

" Tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don't deserve any less and answer your questions when I'd rather not and tell you the truth when I really don’t want to and try to be honest because I know you prefer it and think it's all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life and forget who I am and let me try to get closer to you because somehow, somehow, somehow communicate some of the overwhelming undying overpowering unconditional all-encompassing heart-enriching mind-expanding on-going never-ending love I have for you."

different.

2009-08-31T22:01:00.000+08:00

The past makes you who you are today. All those cuts and bruises you suffered have turned into scars. Those of which are perfectly permanent. All those places you have been are constant reminders of everything good and bad. All those people you met have changed your life. Sometimes for better, sometimes for the worse. It changes the way you perceive others. It changes your future connections. Some of them you will meet for the first time, some of them you have not met for a very long time. It changes the way you trust people. It changes the way you think about them. It changes the way you feel about them. It changes the way you feel about yourself. Sometimes the past changes you for the better. Sometimes it changes you for the worse. Sometimes the past makes you more receptive. Sometimes the past makes you more defensive. Sometimes you wish you can change the past when things turned out wrong. Sometimes you have to take it in your stride, no matter how great or troubling things can get. Sometimes you wish you could run to the future because the present keeps reminding you of the past. Sometimes I wish you would understand why I am like this. Sometimes I wish you would at least try to see things through my eyes even though you have not walked a mile in my shoes. I don't want the same things to happen to you too. Because I don't want to see you hurt, as much as I've been hurt. I don't want to hurt you. But sometimes you hurt me and I'll end up hurting myself. And we'll end up hurting each other. The past is something which I can never erase. It makes me who I am today. All these wounds have healed but my scars will exist perpetually. Sometimes I wish your touch could erase these marks that have been left. But they still surround me, on every part of my body. Sometimes I wish you could embrace these scars and accept me for who I am. Accept me for my past and why I am a changed person. And that change is not necessarily a bad thing. I need you to help me with the present and make me look forward to the future. I certainly do not want to be reminded of my past. Howbeit, some places, people, and things just remind me of them. It's not that I want to. But they come and go without my control. I need you to protect me from these external influences. I need you to be the security for my insecurities. I need you to be there for me. I need you to not give up. I need you to stop blaming me for things that are beyond my control. Most of all, I need you to understand. To understand that we are different in different ways. And try your best to accept that.

And I'm afraid to say that I can't speak to you till you at least try.

Because I know I'm trying my best too.

beautiful thought.

2009-08-21T22:51:00.001+08:00

Doors. A piece of furniture. Wooden, plastic, metal and sometimes glass. Doors open your life to many possibilites. To a loving family after a hard day's work. To a blind date knocking nervously. To an interview that might just change your life. Some doors are able to open from both sides. Some doors only open from one. Some doors slide open. Some doors are locked. Some doors have no locks. Some doors are left abandoned. Some doors invite people. Some doors say keep out. Some places have many doors. Some places only have one door. Doors are passages for connection. Be it internal or external. Doors can be broken. Doors can be repaired. Doors can be taken apart. New doors can be installed. Doors protect you. From burglars and strangers. Maybe from ex-lovers and everything evil. Doors keep convicts confined with metal bars and chains. Doors open your eyes to a beautiful aisle on your wedding day. Doors open you to a room, where hopefully in a few hours, you would get to see your newborn. Doors open with trembling hands to a room which smells like death. Only to see your loved one alive. Some doors close from above. Some doors close and open you to a different place entirely. Some doors bring you to the next life.

Doors open. Doors close.
Doors are there for a reason.
Doors open and close in life.

Crossroads.

2009-08-18T22:22:00.001+08:00

Nobody ever wants what they've got.

The bottom line is that we never fall for the people we're supposed to. It's not just me? Hell, no.

Think about it: Romeo and Juliet bucked the system, and look where it got them. Superman has the hots for Lois Lane, when the better match of course, would be with Wonder Woman. Dawson and Joey - need I say more?

What about you?
You tell me.

Like I said, it happens to everyone. I couldn't tell you what it was, if you asked. But when it's the heart, that's a whole different ball of wax.

Well, I had the other problem. I had the heart of the relationship, and no body to grow it in.And if you think of a relationship as a living entity, I thought ....

" I know what you thought." I wondered what happened when you offered youself to someone, and they opened you, only to discover you were not the gift they expected and they had to smile and nod and thank you all the same.

it ain't my hormones, it's you.

2009-08-15T23:08:00.003+08:00

Just a quick post today to point out what should be obvious.

Pay attention, men.

IT IS ENTIRELY POSSIBLE FOR A WOMAN TO GET FRUSTRATED AND SHOW ANGER WITHOUT IT BEING IN ANY WAY HORMONAL.

A man, it seems, is allowed to show anger and frustration when some damn idiot won’t shut up, or fifty damn idiot drivers cut him off, box him in, tailgate and otherwise make driving hell, or he can’t figure out how to do something on his damned computer. He’s allowed to shout, cuss, slam something down and walk away. A woman who reacts to those same frustrations is immediately slapped with the PMS or “time of life” label.

Just.

Stop.

It.

Pull that crap on me in a couple of weeks and I’ll rip your fool head off. This is just as sexist, but I’m posting it because I’m annoyed and it’s funny.

Sweet Dreams People.

elusive me ? (II)

2009-08-07T10:22:00.002+08:00

I pride myself on having a firm grip on reality, but when I get a flash of consciousness from another dimensions, I have to wonder. Perhaps -- that's just my third eye opening and seeing things I refused to acknowledge before ?

elusive me ?

2009-08-07T07:31:00.004+08:00

'You took everything good and painted it red.'

It's true what they say about 2nd chances and people. 2nd chances don't matter and people never change.

Why am I harbouring these feelings?? I need a break, from EVERYTHING.

I need to do something. Anything. I feel my faith weakening and its scaring me. When I see blue skies, I think about the dark, looming clouds which are inevitable. When I see a rainbow, I think, it's only a trick of light. When I look at flowers, I think of how people would pick them and take them home and leave them to die in vases of water.

Help.

fancy grown-up.

2009-07-28T02:01:00.002+08:00

I've been thinking about this for days -- weeks, even.

Am I going to stay and try to work this out, or let go of the whole thing and start over?

I've laid out all the pros and cons in my mind and I'm still just not sure.

Well, talking to a friend about it helps.

But in the end, I'll have to make up my mind all by myself.

Life's a bitch.

A Fresh New Start.

2009-07-27T01:37:00.002+08:00

An impulsive decision over a long mauled over situation. Hopefully I won't regret it. Crossing my fingers and toes, I don't want to jinx it :)

"I agree totally that sometimes you gotta give away chances for the sake of others. Also, I respect that your commited to finishing what you start. Not alot of people I know can do that."

For once, have the confidence. Be a leader not a follower. Please?

Thank you to those who never changed and only changed for the better.
I'll always be here, my friends.
You have my word for it.

's ok.

2009-07-19T00:20:00.002+08:00

Perhaps I should just rest for a moment.

Yes, things are crazy, yes, the world is going nuts.

Yet, deep underneath the stormy waves, there, in the core of my being, there is pure silence, pure love.

And ...
it's ...
just ...
OK.

what's left?

2009-07-14T13:07:00.004+08:00

Can I ask you a question please

Promise you won't laugh at me

Honestly I'm standing here

Afraid I'll be betrayed.

As twisted as it seems, I only fear love when it's in my dreams

So let in the morning light and let the darkness fade away

I find myself preferring to look through the viewfinder to look at life. Somehow, it looks so much more beautiful through a viewfinder than when you look at it with the naked eye.In a way, it's like I'm using a camera as a shield. Hiding behind it. To prevent myself from seeing things that I don't really wanna see. Hence, I focus on the beautiful things that I can capture instead.

I wish for a better day tomorrow, and for everyone else.

I wish I would find success and fulfillment in my career. I wish to spend everyday meaningfully, with the people I love, doing things that I love and living life to the fullest. I wish to occupy my weekdays with work and my hobbies and I wish to spend my weekends for that much needed rest before a new week begins again. I wish to look forward to every start of the week just as much as I look forward to the end of it.

I wish to spend my time doing things that make me happy,contented and loving life so that there is no space for negativity and sadness. I wish to stop dwelling on the past, of what could have beens and what should have beens and move on happily. I wish to put every bad thing that I've been through behind me and let karma run its course. I wish to really believe that everything happens for a reason and that whatever I went through, has a silver lining to it, despite the outcome.

I wish to be so happy that when I eventually look back to my past, I will smile and be glad that it was all over. I wish to be so contented with my present that I know my future will be better and that my past will not repeat itself. I wish to be so thankful with my present that the past will no longer haunt me. I wish to learn from my mistakes and learn to trust and listen to my instincts. I wish to protect myself better and not be too believing. I wish to develop myself in mind,body and spirit for the better. I wish to grow from all of this and become the better and stronger person. I know I owe it to myself that much.

But after everything, I'm suddenly void of feelings.

Whats's happening?

Is it time yet?

ps: again, I'm calculatng what's left in me

b.slick

2009-07-05T18:51:00.005+08:00

When the tide has come and gone, you wonder why it was even there in the first place. As the water level resides and you can see your toes in the sand. You hope that your footprints will never fade away, but as another wave washes it away, you realize that you are nothing but a temporary mark in this world.

You were never forever.

"Hope gives way to dreams.

Dreams bring you further away from reality.

The further away you are from reality, your feet are no longer firmly grounded. Then, the harder you fall"

I have officially stopped hoping. What's the use of hoping if all it does is make you lose sight of reality? It makes you dream of things that will never happen but then you still wish with all your heart that it will. Hope clouds your judgment and makes you lose all inhibitions. It makes you forget all your fears and you rush headlong without thinking. Hope makes you use your heart and not your head. It makes you lose all logic and sensibility, till you just do what you feel like doing. Instead of weighing down the consequences of your actions.Hope just gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere. It makes you think of rainbows and butterflies when in reality, life's not like that at all. It makes you too optimistic, when you should be pessimistic. It makes you hopeful when you should be cynical. It makes you fall in love, when you know you shouldn't.

You know, it sucks.

where are you ?

2009-07-03T03:07:00.001+08:00

... that when you were told time exists, you were lied to.

We have invented time to feel secure that we can predict life. That clock is merciless, beating out seconds at a constant rate, ignoring the natural changing rhythms of our minds and our bodies. And so we are constantly trying to speed up or slow down. I should Give myself a break for a change, - put away that watch for a couple of days and settle into my own natural rhythms.

over.

2009-07-03T02:52:00.001+08:00

you tell me pretty lies.

o - verrr.

trial and error.

2009-06-30T01:39:00.010+08:00

When shit happens, you really know who your true friends are. With friends like these, those delusional mindfucks can and should fuck themselves with a dick-tionary.

I had a horrendous day at work, yet again. tsk tsk!

The weekend was appropriately spent with good company. And though unexpectedly, seeing the worst of people really just made me laugh to see how they really never change. Before and After, yet still the same. Time changes all things? I beg to differ.

Orrang 27 June 09 ; 8Q, Singapore Arts Museum

Adversity is a trial to see one's true colours.

dimwitted bag of bat droppings.

2009-06-19T04:56:00.002+08:00

I don't wanna push it, and I don't wanna put in my heart yet. Not yet, not soon. There's still this guarded heart I'm holding close to me. If only things would change for the better, then maybe ..

I had a long and horrible day at work. Period.

ps: everyone fucks up. even you.

charade.

2009-06-16T20:36:00.004+08:00

how

long

you

intend

play

this

charade

silence?

Singing softly with these words.

Ifspeaks.

2009-06-11T02:25:00.004+08:00

Expect the unexpected. Because sometimes, the unexpected is the one that you have always been looking for, but never thought you'd find.

Lately, I've been manifesting on too many 'What Ifs'. But my senses is telling; "Don't complicate your withered mind, 'cause it's a total waste of time". The pendulum swings in the other direction of my life when new information, which makes me rethink my most fervent beliefs, comes to light.

Circumstances depend on situations, if you actually think about it. Everything is different and nothing really is the same. They never will be. Sometimes, silence deafens when compared to several thunders clapping instantaneously.

"Silence is easy, it just becomes me."

Just like this aforementioned qoute from Placebo, you're forced to battle it with mutuality.

happy thursday, people!

change.

2009-06-10T03:33:00.004+08:00

Sometimes changes does good to someone.

The time has come. An ending to perhaps a better and beautiful beginning.

I wonder.

All's changed, I see. Perhaps I am right. Perhaps it'll do good to everyone. A fresh start. Throw behind the dirty linens, hide the embarrassment, sacrifice the once strong ties.

I can't bring myself to face that fact. It has been such a beautiful journey. Was. What do I forgive? And what do I forget? I was never the humble one. Yes, I care much about face value. But I care too on ties. Special ties.

This is too hurtful. Cos I know for well that things will never be the same. Ever.

Perhaps, one day.

One fine day.

The optimist would say that his cup is half full.

The pessimist would say that his cup is half empty.

What if I said that I once had a cup that's brimming with water before it came falling to the ground, shattering into smithereens? Tell me.

change-ink circus-stamp-cents

2009-06-09T02:52:00.002+08:00

I know, known, always knew.

I had anticipated it.

I told you so (smirks).

Changing circumstances,

hitherto NO COMMENTS.

Finally, I rest my case.

ooopps!

ps: trust no one.

bee.leave

2009-06-08T15:49:00.003+08:00

Guess my updates now are far and in between due to my hectic schedule at work.

Would you like to take tha chance to put your foot down and announce to all and sundry that it's time you need a change in your life, be it in any perspective? To step out of your comfort zone and venture into the unknown, all on your own?

Some would call it brave, some, downright terrfying.
Me?
Excitement :)

But it's enlightening to know that you've grown much to make your own decisions and control the ball in your own court. Just upon looking at the path you're taking, those steps in the right directions. To know that you have the power in your hands to make changes for yourself. 'Life changing' things.

I grow excited at the sound of that prospect/

I'm glad happiness doesn't come knocking at my door,
For every single second of my life,

As feeling it only from time to time,
Makes it the greatest emotion alive,

Like the ultimate God's blessing,
Wishing happiness for everyone and yourself,
Would be the closest you could get to the gates of heaven.

To all my loved ones, I wish you happiness and good health.

a dream come true.

2009-06-08T15:30:00.004+08:00

*07 June 2009*
Rozlyn and Ilhan's Wedding.

A Dream Come True,

May GOD bless your marriage.

love xx

My Sanity.

2009-05-27T15:29:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I doubt the thoughts in my own head,
Disassembling a perfect puzzle of what I feel and see,

And approving of the uncertainties in my heart,

As though there is another person living inside of me,

It immoralizes this highly perplexed soul,

The complete opposite of a clear conscience,

It sucks my sanity through a growing hole.

p.s: 'a bunch of BLOBS!'

'in here, you decide'

2009-05-20T14:03:00.006+08:00

The workdays were propping the terminal quietly erasing the week and I was at the very end thinking about the possibility of one to love unconditionally and the words that drive into the ground their repetition starts to thin their meaning. Then everything got frighteningly still as they entered and intersected the floor and I tried to choke my stare at the perfection that others would kill for. But all of the parts are the same on every face. The differences pale when compared to the similarities they share. Finally there is clarity and there is purpose after all, but every night ends the same as I'm collapsing once more by your side. Finally there is clarity: This tiny life is making sense, and every drop numbs the both of us, but I alone am staggering.

Finally, after months of avoidance, I relented into watching Twillight. I bawled like a baby in the ending. It was soooo romantic! And Edward Cullen's superbly, irresistably HOT HOT HOT! Alas, this movie tells me to keep my emotions that has run askew in check. -_-

Difficulties might not stop,
Things may not get easier.

sigh.

maybe,now or foreverrrrrrrrrr

2009-05-17T13:07:00.005+08:00

Maybe we're holding on too tightly,

Maybe we need a little space in between our feet,

Maybe we need to let go of these locked fingers,

Maybe just for a little while,

Maybe only sometimes,

But definitely we need to realise,

That even if our hands do not touch,

Our hearts will always be,

Like a binded story book,

A biography of us two,

Pages with no end.

-----<3

We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future. As if figuring it out will somehow cushion the blow, but the future is always changing. The future is the home of our deepest fears and our wildest hopes. But one thing is certain, when it finally reveals itself, the future is never the way we imagined it.

Embrace the time you have now, because you never know when it will be taken away from you. Treasure the ones you love and especially those who love you because you never know when you're gonna lose them. Live everyday like it is your last, without regrets. Because in reality, we all don't have much time left. We still need to learn, we need to love and we need to live.

We still need to fall down a thousand more times before we really learn. We have to dust ourselves off, stand up and try yet again. We have to taste failure a hundred more times before we get to taste success. We have to feel loss so we know how to treasure the ones that we still have. We need to die a little to really live. Because it's not about having everything be perfect, the best we can do is put together all the little things that matter. Remember the good over the bad. Making them count more than all the bad stuff. And then we have faith that we'll get through it.

Did you say it? I love you. I don’t ever wanna live without you. You changed my life. Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it. But every now and then, look around. Drink it in. Cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow.

rocksttarrzzzzzzzzz

2009-05-11T17:52:00.005+08:00

We're the party Celebutantes.

hertz (acoustic show - 090509)

2009-05-10T16:42:00.003+08:00

smashhiing!

c'mon play;

2009-05-10T15:34:00.004+08:00

This organ thumps with every touch,

Forcing life through my veins,

Crack open this skull and liberate thinking,

Just like an amnesiac's memory,

Make me remember nothing,

Break my ribs and eradicate expiration,

I will breathe once covered in dirt,

You have the last of me in your hands,

Release, finish, decease,

I want you to bury this heart.

How many wrongs make a right?
I've learned to listen through the silence. What's left unspoken is what needs to be heard. Often, what's left unsaid, is the most dangerous of all. There is no innocence, just reticence. Love has two equal parts, as a prey, there is no excuse. No one fancies being used, and one day it's gonna get back to you. Predicability is your flaw. This is merely a masquerade and two can play this game.

scumbags.

2009-04-30T16:06:00.003+08:00

Every storm brings with it hope that somehow by morning everything will be made clean again and even the most troubling stains would have disappeared like the doubts over his innocence or the consequence of his mistake, like the scars of his betrayal or the memory of his kiss. So we wait for the storm to pass, hoping for the best even though we know in our hearts some stains are so indelible nothing can wash them away.

What goes around comes around. Why do we still stand up for people who don't even give a fuck about us? Why do we do everything in our power to make them feel better when they did nothing but give us pain? Why do we care for people who only care for themselves? Why do we change ourselves for people when they are the ones who need to change? Why do we bother for people who are so self-centered, that the only person they could ever love is themselves?

Tears sometimes flow endlessly like the oldest of waterfalls.

I need strength.

I need courage.

I need faith.

I need hope.

GOD is GREAT.

Jessica Mauboy - Running Back

2009-04-24T01:26:00.004+08:00

These days you barely even say my name, like you don't really feel the same

I'm wondering whats to blame, these nights i fall asleep wondering where you are

It feels like we're falling apart

And its only breaking my heart

Cause if being with you means being alone, and never knowing when you're coming home

Then i guess im better off on my own

But i cant move on

Cause that means forgetting, forgetting everything we've had

Instead i keep coming, keep coming, i keep running back

Cause i keep forgetting, forgetting you treat me so bad

So i keep on coming, keep coming, i keep running back

My friends say that i should leave you behind, and stop wasting all my time

They tell me that i am out of my mind

But i know that what we both share is real, and i've been willing to deal

With the way that you're making me feel

Ma ma ma mama caught up

We done all heard the same story

Just different authors this book crazy

Always a lady looking for love where there's a lame

They might could be together

They fight to be together

Aight to be together Shorty yeah he cheated

You say you don't need it, turn around and leave it

Oh he back next week

Fuss...Fight And then the whole thing repeat like nothing ever happened

No publishing Shorty you knew that he don't got the same government

Lil mama can't move on

But it's her fault she struggling

She can't...move...on

Cause that means forgetting, forgetting everything we've had

Insted I keep coming, keep coming,I keep coming back

remember me.

2009-04-23T11:36:00.003+08:00

Everyone feels like everyone else, just not at the same time
People are unpredictable
Letting go is better than maintaining control
Absolutely nothing good can come out of overthinking things

already gone.

2009-04-23T00:16:00.007+08:00

We can fall a million times and still not learn. We can almost drown but still we don't avoid dangerous waters. We get hurt but we still rush headlong towards the person that is the source of pain. Won't we ever learn? We all wanna be happy but to what extent do we owe our happiness to? Is it calculated by the number of times we get hurt plus the number of times our hearts get trampled on and then divided by the number of times we held our hopes high in the hopes that it will get better multiplied by the number of times that it does get better? Is that the recipe for happiness? Or is that the recipe for disaster?

You tell me.

Maybe being happy is not about having everything in your life be perfect. Maybe its about stringing together all the little things , making them count more than the bad stuff. Or maybe we just get through it, and that's all that we can ask for.

I want to put together all the little things, the imperfect things.

keep the faith, my friend.

2009-04-21T14:22:00.002+08:00

I've seen the lightning flashing
Heard the thunder roll
I feel the cold winds blowing
Trying to conquer my soul

If I just hold my peace, let God fight my battles. If I can keep the faith through the night.
I hear the voice of reason telling me to fight on. Cos' I come to know I've come too far to turn around.

Weeping may endure for a night
But joy is gonna come tomorrow
Though I go through the fire
I shall come out as pure gold

When problems come just keep the faith. It won't be long until the day things will turn around if you just stand your ground.

Its Not Always Rainbows And Butterflies.

2009-04-18T05:00:00.005+08:00

When will these kind of people ever learn? It's fair enough to say that people make mistakes. Once is understandable, but if you do it more than once?It's called stupidity. Plain and simple. Telling you to grow up will just be a waste of my time because seeing as how at your age, you still have yet to reach that level of maturity that is usually associated with people who are within your age range? That is just sad. My deepest sympathy goes out to you, and your fellow comrades.

I just don't understand the deal with people who think that the world revolves around them. You keep thinking and over-analyzing on the words of others, worrying to death that they are talking about you when they probably aren't. Gosh, aren't you so full of yourself? And the irony is that, seeing as how you are so god damn full of yourself, you still aren't contented. Enjoy this state of delusion while you can, it won't be long till the fog clears up and you're left with absolutely nothing.

The lollipop shoes has taught me one thing. That thing that you thought had created a rift, is in fact the glue that binds. It just crossed boundaries, created bridges and all that hurt, just combined and brought you closer than you think you were. The act of separation was just like a rubber band, pulled tightly apart and when you let go, you snap right back where you started.

It's frustrating to know how some people are just so fucking oblivious to everything else but themselves. It's like living in a bubble, everything looks so nice and every thing's floating but you forget what happens if that bubble bursts and you fall flat on your stupid face. And I think you should fall flat on your stupid face. It's one thing to be oblivious, it's another thing to be delusional as well. I mean, come on. Could you get any stupider? But then again, you cannot possibly be any stupider than you already are right now because you are the epitome of Stupid. And that is not something to be proud about.

You are obviously no threat to me but your very existence just irks me. You think that everything revolves around you. Newsflash girl, the world revolves on its own axis, not around you. Now isn't that unnerving?

Don't generalize us and assume shit about us because that's as far as my limit goes. Cross that and you're dead. Better watch your back and your mouth aye? Or else you'll end up with your face on the floor faster than you can flutter your fake eyelashes.The day you were born into this world, you gave a face to the word of stupidity.

Maybe it's wise not to look up to the sky directly when the sun is right above your head. That glare just might cloud your vision to see the beautiful things clearly. Aye?

love lost

2009-04-16T13:35:00.004+08:00

My friend and I were talking the other day about the famous quote “Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.” My friend said she would rather have never loved, and I said I would rather have loved and lost. I told her in one of my best emo lines ever “I would rather have loved and lost, because to have never loved, would feel as if my life was incomplete.”

To love is an essential of life in my opinion. It seems all of life is about love, in one form or another. To go through life without love, would be to not live at all. If I never was to have a serious relationship, I would feel as if I was missing out on a vital part of life. Being deeply in love with someone, changes your life. It is dangerous to put your emotions on the line, with the possibility of ultimate failure and rejection, but if it is the one that you truly love, it makes it ultimately worthwhile. Even if my love was likely to fail, I would still pursue it, for that small sliver of hope I possessed. Even in death, love would make life worthwhile.

Loss is another essential of life. It is impossible to live life without the threat and experience of loss. Everyone has, in one form or another, experienced loss, some deeper than others. Everyone, at one time or another will experience loss, around them and on a personal level. Loss causes the heart to weep, but it’s an unavoidable part of life. Ultimately, to love means to lose, for even if you are together for all your life, one of you will still eventually die, leaving the other behind. Yet, loss is a matter of perspective. Have you truly lost, to live a life with love? Have you lost, to never take the risk of love?

So when I hear the quote “Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all” I think the writer of that, actually meant, to not have loved, would essentially be loss in the end, therefore it would be better to have loved and lost than to live life without love. Loss and love are two essentials of life, both are necessary for life and both cannot be had, without the other.

absolutely sickk.

2009-04-16T01:37:00.005+08:00

i need a brreak.

4 MAY, come quick! I can already smell Patong beach!

i wanna dive in the Indian Ocean.

i wanna seafood everyy meal.

i wanna island hop, swim in the blue clear water with the fishes amongst coral reefs.

i wanna sleep and tan on the upper deck of the speedboat.

i wanna be free.

aand i said,

2009-04-10T17:18:00.001+08:00

Sometimes belief is deliberate self-deceit.
You trick your mind into believing something.
And it doesn't even matter if the truth clearly defies it.

breaking point???

2009-04-10T04:08:00.002+08:00

I'm emotionally,physically and mentaly drained!

Work has been hectic and for the first time ever I'm heavy hearted to work. Running away may seem like a cowardly thing to do, but sometimes we are left with no choice. Life gets so hard and unbearable that we keep facing the same things over and over again, regardless of how many times we've resolved it. It just keeps coming back to haunt us.

Running away doesn't necessarily mean that we're cowards but maybe we choose to run away because we're tired of going through the same motions everyday and not getting any further in life. The problems, the setbacks and the seemingly impossible challenges that we face, just seem too much, too mundane and too unbearable. That's when we decide we want a new lease of life. A chance to start anew. A clean slate. To go somewhere where no one knows us and how we were before we got there. A chance to rebuild ourselves and our lives.

Who could resist an opportunity like that? I know I couldn't. I just want to give myself a chance to prove to myself that I can get somewhere on my own, survive and succeed. I owe it that much to myself to at least try. If only money wasn't a problem, I would buy the first plane ticket out of here.

In this world where patience lacks,
I'm just trying to make everything closer to right.

faith.

2009-04-08T02:20:00.002+08:00

My faith is here to stay,
If you believe in it every single day,
It's following me to my grave,
Everything's going to be okay,
Our hearts will be safe,
Believe in what I have to say,
For our hope is our shadow today.

The past has its fingernails stuck to our necks,
It hurts so much but we tell ourselves,
Don't look back,
Keep our minds set on the future,
Don't we go dare go off track.

Nobody told me a trail of regrets would follow as I was moving forward.

a wonderful journey (Swissport Singapore)

2009-04-03T02:36:00.003+08:00

Life's not about setting boundaries. It's about pushing yourself to the utmost limits to see how well you can handle it, not how you break under the pressure. Most people run away from unfamiliarity, strange things and problems. It's human nature, you say. But I beg to differ. I think the most remarkable humans are the ones that stay on despite the sting of unfamiliarity. Despite the unknown, the instability and the pain of the hurt that is yet to come. Not content with just knowing what they can handle, but pushing themselves to venture into the unknown even if it might just hurt them. All the while knowing the consequences of their actions that might take a toll on their lives. Wrong decisions are made every single day by everyone of us.

We decide to quit when the going gets tough. We decide to run away whenever we get scared. We refuse to give other's a chance when all the while, we've been begging for one. We refuse to see the bigger picture for what it really is simply because we're scared of the truth. We're scared that we might see something we don't want to. We're scared that we might hear what we don't want to. Most of all, we're scared to have to face something that we don't have the answer or solution to.

Those who run along and face the unknown,they're what I would call remarkably brave.

If there's a crisis you don't freeze. You move forward. You get the rest of us to move forward. Because you've seen worse. You've survived worse. And you know, we'll survive too.

Thank you for the wonderful memories. It has been a pleasurable journey (Feb 2006-Mar 2009).

preeety pleeease.

2009-03-21T16:42:00.003+08:00

Zara's Jacket/Boots.

COACH Bag Madison Collections.

RED Killer Stilettos Marc Jacobs.

Get me them.
Please.
Anyone.

goodbye.

2009-03-21T16:08:00.005+08:00

Things have been getting from bloody unbearable to worse. You think that people who love you wouldn’t hurt you right? Wrong. Sometimes those who love you the most can hurt you the worst. No one is spared from pain. No matter how hard you try. The only way you won’t feel pain is when you die. Even then, a whole different place awaits you and you don’t even know what lies ahead.

But I’d give anything; I swear anything, to leave. Leave this stupid country. Leave my condescending family. Leave my career. Leave the pain, the suffering, the humiliation. Leave the emotional baggage behind.

Give me a good reason why I should even stay? There’s no reason for me to stay. No reason at all. Not even one. I want to find my life somewhere else. Start anew. On my own. Anything will be better than staying here. Call it ego. Whatever. I wanna leave. For good.

I'm calculating what's left inside me.

cos' i am

2009-03-19T12:18:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I think I'm crazy. No, it's not the crazy you have in mind. Trust me, I've been called crazy one too many times. Nevertheless, I haven't really thought about that word. What does it mean when someone calls you crazy and actually being crazy? And who actually has the right in this world to create rules about life and how to live life? If mistakes are bound to happen, why should we be punished in the first place? Why should we have leaders when we care so much about equality? Why have concerts like Live Earth when people actually litter at the vacinity itself? Why bother talking about world peace when war has never stopped, even for a second? What makes you think the world is going to last forever when pieces of land are sinking every single day? Why should you bother taking care of your health when you know you're going to die anyway? Why should we build relationships when we're going to leave this earth alone?

My mother just came into my room and called me weird.
Maybe I am weird. Maybe I am crazy. Well, who is and who isn't?
Who actually has the final say?

Psychologists, therapists, random strangers?

Well, have we forgotten that they are just human beings who make mistakes too?

Now you tell me.

hocus'pocus

2009-03-12T14:46:00.003+08:00

Black magic or dark magic is a form of sorcery that draws on assumed malevolent powers. It may be used for dark purposes or malevolent acts that deliberately cause harm in some way.

In fiction it refers to evil magic. In modern times, people who practice magic use the term to describe power utilized for means of gaining power and wealth or taking revenge.

Black magic would be invoked to kill, to steal, to injure, to cause misfortune or destruction, or for personal gain without regard to harmful consequences to others. As a term, "black magic" is normally used to describe a form of ritual that some group or person does not approve of.

All forms of magic are evil, or black magic. This view generally associates black magic with Satanism. The persons that maintain this opinion include those belonging to most branches of Christianity, Islam, Judaism, and Hinduism. Some people on the left-hand path would agree that all magic, whether called "white" or "black", is the same. These people would not contend that all magic is evil so much as that morality is in the eyes of the beholder -- that any magic can have both good and bad consequences depending on who judges those consequences. In this school of thought, there is no separation between benevolent and malevolent magic because there is no universal morality against which magic can be measured.

For the sake of humanity, I commend your pursuit of knowledge and your keenness to seek what is lawful and avoid what is not. We earnestly implore God to bless our efforts in this honorable way, be it any faith you believe in.

the PRICE is LIGHT!

2009-03-10T19:56:00.000+08:00

When times are tough, travel budgets take a hit, which is why many people are going for low cost carriers rather than any full pledged airline.

Cue the low cost carriers, also known as budget airlines. Basically, NO FRILLS. You get what you pay. Obviously you can't expect a VIP service for a $200 ticket to Ho Chi Minh?

The worldwide revolution in budget air carriers is intriguing for a budget traveler.

After decades of wrestling with train timetables and planning overnight trips to avoid wasting precious daylight in transit, travelers can now fly between cities on their itineraries without emptying their bank accounts.

But the cynical always wonder if there is a catch. Is service sacrificed? How will I be treated at the discount airline counter?

There is no way to quantify the overall experience one might have on the dozens of budget carriers now crisscrossing the globe. It's fair to say your encounters might be awful, tremendous, or anything in between.

From my personal experience, flying budget carriers are basically a traveler, traveling light, simple and hassle-free.

Booking in cyberspace must be done with care.

Budget airlines use of the Internet for 95% of its bookings could have drawbacks. As with any online purchase, one careless click or a frozen computer screen could lead to purchases you did not intend. Efficiency aside, this always lead to customers complaining that they're being overcharged of their money when they're the fools. It is why the call-centre lines are always busy.

Some airports are far from the city center.

Budget airlines often operate away from the major airports. Most landing meant walking on the tarmac in the rain for a few seconds. Given what you had paid for the flight, don't too concerned about the raindrops. You might feel differently.

If the airport is far-removed from the city, be sure to factor in ground transportation costs as you decide if the fare is a good deal.

Expect a quick turnaround.

Aircraft usually will not arrive until probably 15 minutes before takeoff. The airline's business module says this allows for extra rotations (more flights) on high frequency routes, but it sometimes results in delays.
Business travelers: Be slow to assume there will be a delay simply because the aircraft has not yet appeared.

Food service means paying for your meal.

In an effort to keep costs down, meals are a la carte on these generally short flights. If that bothers you, consider that you're paying for "free" food when you buy a more expensive ticket elsewhere.

You'd better be on time.

Remember: Check-in for every flight closes 45 minutes prior to scheduled departure. It's hard for some to accept that they have "missed" a plane that in some cases hasn't even arrived at the gate, but that's the policy. As we've noted, they generally don't make exceptions unless extenuating circumstances exist for a number of passengers. You've been warned. You'll be warned on your confirmation email, too. And you'll be warned by big signs in many of the airports. Plan accordingly.

Heavy baggage will cost you.

Budget airlines uses small aircrafts. So please lug your excessive baggages and boxes to a cargo plane if you're not willing to pay for the excess baggage payments.

Final thought; My personal experience was good.

Budget travelers do not mind being pampered, but most realize saving money often requires sacrifice. I found those sacrifices are minimal. I saw no difference in seat comfort or service. I travel without heavy baggage, so there were no weight fees to pay. My savings on airfares more than compensated for the higher ground transportation costs.

Your experience with budget carrier could be far different. But the benefits on my flights far outweighed any drawbacks.

your side of the bed.

2009-03-08T07:59:00.002+08:00

I roll around under the covers and wish you were snuggled up next to me.

The constant rainy weather has got me feeling lazy. With the weather so tempting, I'm glad I don't have to get up to go anywhere.

How I love the rain. There's nothing better than snuggling under the blanket with a good book and a cup of hot chocolate :)

the mighty tissues

2009-03-02T12:27:00.007+08:00

Today, I would like to talk about ugly Singaporeans. They're rampant everywhere.

For example, I board the bus 27 everyday weekday morning to get to work and it is always jam-packed with commuters. Naturally, some people get the luxury of a seat while others have to stand through out the whole journey.

Those standing scans the ones sitting with sharp eyes of a hawk, hunting for the next available seats. Once somebody gets off his/her seat, a struggle-and-shoving match ensues to see who will emerge the victor and obviously, to the victor goes the spoils. Some people will not even move to the back of the bus because they know who gets off at what stop, so they'll stand infront of the poor fellow till he/she is about to alight.

And another example.

All Hail, The Mighty Tissue Packets!

I used my camera phone to take this picture when my boyfriend and I were having dinner at FOOD CULTURE at Century Square. We were given the unique opportunity to behold this typical and blatant Singaporean quirk.

Mind you, the people who used those tissue packets were working adults of decent or high education.

Tsk. Terribly, horribly, horendously ugly.

FIT.FAT.

2009-02-22T19:04:00.000+08:00

JUST days ago as I was surfing the net, the online Newsweek archives threw up an interesting find.

It was reported that barely two months ago, more pro-anorexia groups began appearing on public platforms, forming communities on Facebook and Myspace for ‘thinspiration’.
Blogs have also been set up where members share tips and track their progress toward their common goal of radical weight loss.
I was shocked by what I read and went straight to Google to suss out these sites.
It was pure horrifying.

One blog had a food log of one anorexia sufferer. In a week, she had barely consumed 500 calories. Most of the time she was on a fast. What was worse was that she received comments encouraging her for her ‘progress’.
Girls today are already being inundated by images saying that thin is beautiful.
That said, I believe that it’s absolutely necessary that our youth learn the importance of cultivating a healthy self-image.

Cue the Holistic Health Framework (HHF) , formerly known as the TAF Club.
While TAF was actually an acronym for Trim and Fit, a few of us used to joke that TAF Club was just Fat club spelled backwards.
But I guess it wasn’t that much of a laughing matter.
I was a member of TAF club back in secondary school.
We would have to spend three recess breaks a week doing laps around the school, while our classmates got to have their lunch.
We were also separated from the rest of our class during PE lessons for more intensive sessions.

I remember a teacher coming into class with a tray of home-made pasta carbonara and saying: "Ok everybody but the TAF club girls can have some of this."
It’s a funny thing. While I acknowledge that the TAF club was implemented with the best of intentions, somehow I felt the message came up a little short.
TAF club was meant to help kids lose weight by becoming more active but I felt that using the Body Mass Index (BMI) to determine which kids should be in the programme might not be the most accurate means of doing so.

I remember quite a number of my fellow TAF Club members were active members of school sports clubs, many of which required them to do some form of weight training to build muscle, which could explain why they were over their healthy BMI range.
I believe I would not be far wrong to say that some began questioning their body image, even though it was clear that they were fighting fit.
They also began to feel quite demoralized, which in itself reduced the effects of the training.

I’m just glad that the renaming of the TAF Club helps ease the stigma by centering the focus on the individual’s physical, mental and social health, rather than purely on weight loss.

In today’s image-conscious society, the last thing our youth need is to feel that they are less of an individual just because they don’t fit into size 0 jeans.

Bitter Cynic

2009-02-21T08:21:00.002+08:00

Venomous words and fatal wounds are deadly weapons of massive destruction. Looks can be deceiving but don't cross your fingers just yet. Never ever judge a book by its cover because you'll never know what lurks in between the pages. Everyone has a limit to everything. Their patience, tolerance and also self control.

This world is full of complications and complicated people. You try so hard to be someone that you want others to like, that you end up losing yourself in the process. Then why do they tell us to be ourselves when in actual fact, all we are doing is being someone that we aren't? We are so afraid of people not liking us for who we are that we cover our true selves with a mask and go around pretending to be someone else. And why is it okay for people to tell us that they don't like our behavior/personality and tell us that if we don't change, people won't like us?

Aren't you supposed to accept people for who they are? Flaws and all? Isn't it obvious that everyone is different and being different is not wrong? And who makes up these cookie cut rules? Is it someone whose beyond perfection? I highly doubt so. No one is beyond perfection because all of us are human and we all make mistakes at some point in our lives although our egos refuse to admit it. Do you realize that the word 'Imperfect', broken down, is actually 'I'm perfect'? If imperfect can turn to perfect, why can't it be vice versa? The "perfect" can also turn imperfect right? So if the line between imperfection and perfection is blurred, who says anyone has the right to call the shots? All of us are flawed in someway, so stop pointing fingers and start facing the mirrors.

Questions and insecurities will definitely run deep. There are things that should never be asked or even thought about. Some things are really just better left unsaid. So to speak. You can try so hard to erase those questions but they keep running at the back of your mind like clockwork. The more you refuse to think about it, the more you do. The utter irony of it all just makes it all even more frustrating. How do you erase doubts and replace them with trust? Does it take time and understanding, or time and patience? Trust is never a given, but earned. How do you earn someone's trust? And how do you trust someone? To what extent do you realize that you have trusted someone 100%? What are the signs that you have trusted someone fully? And why is it that even when you have trusted someone 100%, you still have your doubts and insecurities surfacing? Where does this all end?

I shall let you be your own source of entertainment if it let's you sleep better at night.

the best of you?

2009-02-20T10:19:00.005+08:00

It's time for you to understand your strengths and admit that while you are not perfect, you're pretty special.

The silence is deafening, while all hell breaks loose. Sometimes life feels just like a black and white photograph. You can see the beautiful lighting, the soft focus of the object or the model. You can see the emotion that is being provoked in the photograph but you still can't feel it.

Every now and then, there will be a time where you realize people have just been simply taking advantage of you and underestimating you. Here's the thing, you will never feel the pinch till karma bites you in the ass. Don't underestimate and never assume. Because there will come a time where you will realize that all your inferences are wrong and it will fall flat on your face. Now that wouldn't be a pretty sight now would it? I believe there is a limit to everything and everyone. Simply said, there is a line you just don't cross and certain buttons that you should never push.

Keep pushing the wrong buttons and testing the limit, soon, you'll find yourself on the other side. And boy, it ain't gonna be pretty. Your constant impedance has been a thorn in my side. Something that I wish to remove completely from my life.My indifference towards you has been excruciatingly well hidden due to my sense of morality, something you obviously are lacking of. There is no need for upholding social grace when dealing with the likes of people like you. There is ultimately no need for your insinuation in my life when you were never a part of it.

"We all get at least one good wish a year. Over the candles on our birthday. Some of us throw in more. On eyelashes, fountains, lucky stars, and every now and then, one of those wishes comes true. So what then? Is it as good as we'd hoped? Do we bask in the warm glow of our happiness? Or, do we just notice we've got a long list of other wishes waiting to be wished? We don't wish for the easy stuff. We wish for big things. Things that are ambitious, out of reach. We wish because we need help and we're scared and we know we may be asking too much. We still wish, though, because sometimes they come true."

if only.

2009-02-18T01:38:00.004+08:00

PEOPLE are not always easy to please, and right now it might be starting to feel like I can never do right in their eyes. But am I giving too much, working too hard, and caring more than I need to? It's time to take stock of things. Ask myself if it's really worth it to work so hard to read their minds. Then, do what I want to do. Are these constant power struggles really the way I want to live my life with this person?

Patience is a virtue they say. I believe perseverance is as well. If you fight for what you want, you will get it. Your hard work and determination will pay off.

They say every cloud has a silver lining. I've seen it once and then it went away, giving way to the dark and stormy clouds. Now the time has come and I can see my silver lining once again. There is a reason for everything, you may not realize it now but your time will come. A lesson will be learnt and when it comes, only you will be able to realize it. Then you will know if its truly worth it. The hardship that you had to go through to get where you are now, only then you will be relieved. And know that the shit you went through, was worth the result in the end. Patience my friend, patience. We'll just wait till this tide washes us over shall we?

If only making connections was as easy as shaking hands!

A Personal Monograph.

2009-02-17T07:01:00.002+08:00

"If you broaden the pool, you're more likely to get people to agree with your ideas. That doesn't mean you're looking for 'yes men,' but it does mean you need to align yourself with colleagues who have similar values."

beneath the surface.

2009-02-16T05:08:00.002+08:00

"You have some excellent social and career connections, but you cannot rely on them too much right now. It's much wiser to pursue your current goals by yourself. Not only will it help you strengthen your own skills, but it will help show these folks that you don't always need them for everything -- and that will improve your stature in their eyes. It's time for you to flesh out your reputation as a mover and a shaker. Looking like a follower is not going to be good for you now."

Patience is wearing thin but I can't help it. I can feel it slowly cracking under the intense pressure and the inevitable will happen. I'm like a walking time bomb. An elusive land mine. It's running out of time and there's no where to go. I don't know how long I can keep this up. This mask is slipping off my face. Sadly, the truth is not something everyone wants to hear or see.

I make no apologies about who I am. If I am truly good enough, then my talent shall speak for itself(look up 'Self-explanatory'). If you have to ass kiss your way through life, maybe you could go far, but you surely won't last long. Because at the end of the day, all you're doing is trying to please everyone around you and being human, you will succumb to frustration and anger. It's the same with sympathy-seekers. They manipulate people in such a way that they end up gaining sympathy from others and because people take pity on them, their flaws magically disappear. But again, they could go far, but they won't last long.

Life's a bitch, without these extras. The least you could do is make things a little better for everyone else. I am going to pursue my calling in life and I'm not letting anything stand in my way.

Looking At You.

2009-02-14T16:53:00.004+08:00

"I'm a walking billboard of what happiness is.
My eyes light up at the very sight of You."

That sexy red wine coupled with sparkling diamonds, against the smooth cashmere of supple skin. That silk sensuality of purple against the strikingly siren red. The tense friction of skin on skin. The heat of the intense chemistry like a jolt of electricity

through your veins. The curl of your lips, the beginnings of a smile. That sparkle in your eyes, that hint of mischief. Here's looking at you, my love.

Bad things happen so we know what good looks like. Ask a loner why he chooses to be alone, is it because he enjoys the solitude? A loner chooses to be alone not because they enjoy the solitude but because they have tried to blend in before but people continue to disappoint them.
Trust your gut feeling. It truly knows best. People fail to realize that sometimes its better to use your heart than your head. Because sometimes when things happen that surpasses logic and reason, the only way you can find your way out is when you use your heart and not your head. When you feel that it is the right thing to do rather than when you think it is the right thing to do.

Spread the LOVE, people :)

an enemy to the party pooper.

2009-02-12T10:09:00.006+08:00

I honestly think that when one cannot be at peace with another's happiness, one is a sorry and sad human being with nothing much to live for in life or is a person who is filled to the brim with envy. Like seriously. They take perverse pleasure in making another's life miserably difficult. It's like they carry this flame of vendetta so vehemently they refuse to rest easy until they have gotten their revenge in one way or another. Not only are these kinda people sad, they're deplorably sadistic in more ways than one. Peolple like them should seriously think of going Zen or doing some Yoga to help them with their apparent uncontrollable emotions.

Its pure amazing.
Amazing.

PEACE!

Oh, Just That I've No Intention Working My Arse Out To Impress Every Single Human Being Out There. I Don't Need To Prove My Worth To Mankind Because All Of Us Are Losers In One Way Or Another. We Are Not Almighty And, We Can Never Make Everyone Satisfied.

xxx

"For the ends of Being and ideal Grace."

either, or.

2009-02-10T21:13:00.002+08:00

1) i have been drinking more water lately
2) i don't like how dry my hair is and how much it'll cost me if i bother gg for treatment
3) i have yet to watch the sunset like literally sit and talk cock and watch the sun set
4) i hate how boring the songs in my player are now
5) did i mention that i don't like my hair?
6) when i look in the mirror, i see a fat blob
7) i feel like writing a letter
8) i should start worrying about the pile of rosters i'm due for
9) my eyebrows are thick and i don't really give a damn well not yet at least
10) i can't wait for 31st March
11) will I ever get to see the Taj Mahal?
12) i wanna tan, in Phuket
13) i wish to meet eva mendez in person
14) i'm singing halo now i know i know the song's a little overrated
15) i miss my indian kupru boyfriend
16) i want a pair of supras very badly
17) can't wait for payday
18) the truth hurts
19) i should plan an E.T soon, once payday perhaps
20) ya la ya la i not pretty la ya la ya la
21) i feel like going to the playground
22) i see trees of green and red roses as they bloom for love
23) i see skies of blue and clouds of white the bright blessed day and the dark sacred night
24) it's a wonderful world because you exist
25) my family is so huge, that i actually have grandchildren and i'm 21

oath of a liar.

2009-02-10T11:34:00.006+08:00

HATE

I don't usually use the word often. But hey, you did managed to make me fill that vocabulary in my very own dictionary. You're the epitome of pathetic.

Your mirror, does it reflect you, for just one second?

Let's not pretend.

We are not friends. You mean absolutely nothing to me.

You should know that I do not want to see your face again.

My friends are not your friends. Don't even think about hanging out with us.

Don't you try stealing them away from me. You stole something from me once before, which is TRUST. I'm not going to let you do it twice.

Keep that in your retarded mind.

I don't give a flying fuck about how you feel. Because you didn't give a fuck about how I felt when you blatantly told those lies.

You better watch out.

Scared, aren't you now KIDDIE?

Never in the years there has this happened.

YOU MADE HISTORY, BOY!

---

To the rest of you reading,
This is my problem,
And I say whatever I want to say.
Despite everything, I'm happy to know who my real friends are.

loves,

lia <3

21st Birthday!

2009-02-08T16:55:00.008+08:00

21st Birthday

I'm so shagged after all that's happened. But all that's happened were splendid and memorable ones.

Next up, celebration at Aranda Country Club cum Cousin's wedding!

And at 2134HRS on my birthday, I received a call from babygirl Lat. There in the background I hear a choir of Happy Bithday from those at work. I was so touched!

This has been a great birthday =)

Thank You ALL for the wishes and gifts and wonderful gestures.

Being surrounded by love is all a birthday girl could wish for.

beautiful.

2009-02-05T19:18:00.001+08:00

What beauty is to you,
May not be as beautiful as before,
What if my eyes had no khol,
No rogue on my lips,
What if my real face was shown,
No blush on my cheeks,
Stripped off my clothes,
What if my bare skin was exposed,
Under those white sheets

What if it was the worst of me,
That you have ever seen,
Under a fluorescent lamp,
My body has lost its warmth,
Pale bluish chapped lips,
My eyes are not awake

What if you saw me in a peaceful state,
And you can't hear me breathing,
What if you saw strangers wrapping my head,
Whispers kept exchanging,
I'm fully dressed in white and lying down on my bed,
What if you knew it wasn't a favourite colour of mine,
Or have you not got a single clue

What if you knew I had something to say to you,
Would you have met me the day before,
Or would you say that you're unsure,
What if it was my final hour,
Before I was laid to rest,
What if it was your last chance,
Would you hold me in your arms,

Have my heart against your chest,
Press your lips against my cold forehead

What if it was the finale,
Would you be the one lowering me into the four-sided clay,
Resting my cheek on the ground,
Would your tears cover my lifeless body,
Just like the rain yesterday

What if my pasty face was the last thing you saw,
Would you remember it clearly,
Or would you want to forget it when you close the door,
What beauty is to you,
May not be so beautiful when she's not breathing anymore,
What is beautiful to you,
May not be what you're used to seeing before,
It's painfully true.

in love, in sadness

2009-02-04T20:54:00.001+08:00

Life is a neverending race,
There are obstacles and signs that say stop,
We might fall over and over again,
Cuts, bruises and heartbreaks,
Fast-paced music and the soothing sounds of a harp,
We just have to get up and keep on running,
Making crucial decisions and regretting mistakes,
Sometimes help would be around,
Most of the time however,
We are alone on our way down,
Shouting for a helping hand so loud,
But they just don't make a sound,
Or that was what you thought,
Open your teary eyes my dear,
Some of them are actually reaching out,
Both my hands are always here,
Cloudy days will fade away,
Better days are still so near,
Maybe not today nor tomorrow,
But one day your skies will be clear,
Rest assured.

"For the first time in my life,
I have too many things on my mind,

That I just have nothing to say".

nincompoops.

2009-02-02T07:43:00.001+08:00

You could tell that I don't care.
Where's the apology?
Never there.

Someone in my life has been running hot and cold, and today I should turn off the faucet and walk away. I have been working hard at making a connection with them, but it's not worth it. We strive to be different but we do not like differences.

Now, does your opinion differ from that of mine?

pen-soul

2009-02-01T03:49:00.000+08:00

Pen and paper

A pen and a paper without a story to write is just as good as not having a pen and paper when there is a story to write. An empty head would probably be a writer's worst nightmare. An empty heart would still enable one to express one's innermost emotions, even if it is painful. Sitting here without a clear mind is like having a wild goose chase of words that I can never find. I am thankful to come across many different situations that brought upon certain consequences, desirable or not. The opportunity to feel is a gift of life. I'd rather be under a cloud than to never get to feel at all. Emotions are portals to one's soul. It brings people together, it makes people fall apart. It shows people how you are as a person. More importantly, it shows how you are as a human. Last but not least, happiness is a never ending goal and the other emotions would only make you whole.

selfish.

2009-01-30T03:27:00.000+08:00

Are you working hard enough?
Are you lazing around?
Are you taking care of your health?
Have you been cleaning your house?
When was the last time you listened to your conscience?
Will you get what you want?
Have you reached your goals?
Do you even have proper ambitions?
Are you happy with your life?

The questions are endless.

We are selfish not only to others but to ourselves.

dreams, unknown

2009-01-29T07:44:00.000+08:00

Would it count if I saw a shooting star in a dream?
Because I remember wishing for every single person that I love to go to heaven.
It doesn't work that way, right?

Oh well.

I would like to see a shooting star in reality,
And wish for it again.
Somehow, we will always be children.

XXX

Are we all not abstract pieces of art,
Impressive through the eyes of a beholder,
Challenged with divergent intepretations,
By the critical lips of another,
Opening a gold-plated plywood door,
Sold to the heart of the highest bidder,
Beckoning an everlasting applause,
The only prize in this hall of fame,
To know that I would be displayed forever,
Endlessly in this sacred house,
For the reason that visitors could admire,
Especially by that of your inquisitive eyes,
A promise that was never abandoned,
In spite of everything you kept,
I saw you walking out for the last time,
This undesirable fluctuating censure,
In the face of my emotive portrait,
Your eyes were fixed to the ground,
Apparently there was nothing to be said,
For months I have not seen the sun,
Welcoming a family of spiders,
This frame is collecting dust,
An abandoned piece of painting,
When are you coming home,
To wipe this filth clean,
Trust that I will be just as new,
Where have you been,
Was I not the most memorable piece of art,
You've seen?

"I miss you, Papa"

lia

With The Birds I Share This Beautiful View.

2009-01-20T01:26:00.000+08:00

It occurs to me how close happiness and sadness are. So closely knitted together. Such a thin line, a thread-like divide that in the midst of emotions, it trembles, blurring the territory of exact opposites. The movement is minute, like the thin thread of a spider's web that quivers under a raindrop.

How quickly a moment of love was snapped away to a moment of hate. One comment to steal it all away. Of how love and war stand upon the very same foundations. How, in my darkest moments, my most fearful times, when faced, became my bravest. When feeling at your weakest you end up showing more strength, when at your lowest are suddenly lifted above higher than you've ever been. They all border one another, those opposites, and how quickly we can be altered. Despair can be altered by one simple smile offered by a stranger; confidence can become fear by the arrival of one uneasy presence. everything is on the verge, always brimming the surface, a slight shake, a tremble sends things toppling. How similar emotions are.

A veil hangs between the two opposites, a mere slip of a thing that is transparent to warn us or comfort us. You hate now but look through this veil and see the possibility of love; you're sad now but look through to the other side and see happiness. Absolute composure to a complete mess-it happens so quickly, all in the blink of an eye.

where the rainbow ends.

2009-01-17T16:28:00.000+08:00

During my busiest days at work, twenty-four hours just don't seem enough. I almost want to hold my hand out in the air and try to grasp the seconds and minutes as if I could stop them from moving on, like a little girl trying to catch bubbles.

In truth, we're all just pottering, fiiling the time we have here, only we like to make ourselves feel bigger by compiling lists of importance.

So this is what you do when it all slows down and the minutes that tick by feel a little longer than before. You take your time. You breathe slowly. You open your eyes a little wider and look at everything. Take it all in. Rehash stories of old, remember people, times and occasions gone by. Allow everything you see to remind you of something. Talk about those things. Stop and take your time to notice matter. Find out the answers you didn't know to yesterday's crosswords. Slow down. Stop trying to do everything now,

now,

now.

Swissport Singapore pulls out of Changi Airport.

2009-01-13T12:49:00.000+08:00

At the start of a new journey every step is a mystery. Where am I going? Who will walk with me? How will I get there? These questions are all part of the excitement and mystery. The challenge is to just keep going.

In spite of the uncertainty.

In spite of the unknown.

In spite of the fear.

I sat in the comfort of my office desk and looked out. My eyes followed the furnishes and colleagues. And in the calm of the morning my heart broke. BT has been our footpath and here we left our footprints. 3 whole years of turmoil, of shedding tears, sweat and blood to entice the smooth operations of incoming and outgoing flights 24 hours a day. The war we frontiered during cancellations and delays. The friendship we made throughout the journey. Of the cussing and patting of each others' backs when we made it through the challenges. Everything, will be deeply etched in my heart.

smashingg.

2009-01-09T02:10:00.002+08:00

Coffee club/Arena. 8 January 2009. Nora & Waty. Marvelousss

apple blossom time.

2009-01-04T14:45:00.002+08:00

I find it delightful the way the texture of a memory can be created using small, shared details.

~~XXX~~

Dear You.

I want to write you a letter. The stationary I picked for you, after searching through stores, is simple, elegant, subtle. The beauty of writing a letter with a pen onto carefully picked stationary is the permanence of a transitory moment, not unlike capturing spontaneous moments on Polaroid film.

Dear You. Shall I trust this paper to catch my thoughts? How shall I begin our inside jokes? I would have typed an e-mail, but the internet expands forever, and it would make my words feel infinitely small.

Dear You. I want to write you a letter. I want to write it in pen, because I want to feel the words as they shape onto the paper. I want you to see the idiosyncrasies of my handwriting, because we tend to forget that words look different when written by different people.

The paper will carry my affection. The envelope will lock the strings of words and punctuation. I wish it luck as it travels across land and air to find you, And when it does, I hope you see all that I am trying to say.

Sincerely,
Me.

crack in my mirror.

2009-01-02T03:56:00.000+08:00

Boy im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss and we make up on the way

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

We'll live and learn
We'll crash and burn
Maybe another fight but we will survive
And baby we will grow

empowered;

2009-01-01T01:16:00.001+08:00

Best Wishes to all in 2009

May peace break into our homes

May thieves steal our debts

May our pockets become magnets of $100 bills

May our clothes smell of success

May LOVE barricade us

May laughter assault our lips!

May happiness hit us like a tsunami

May our tears be those of joy

And may good health linger always in our home

HAPPY NEW YEAR

a beautiful mess.

2008-12-28T19:07:00.002+08:00

The end of the year brings a strange kind of exhaustion my way, though I can feel things start to improve pretty late in the day. I just need a day to recover from all the crazy business of the past few weeks!

Girls night should be a break from the norm, but when it's the same routine every week, the excitement dies out and the sanctity of girls night is challenged! I'm dreading the same ol' trip to the local club -- and if I hear "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" one more time, I'm swearing off ladies night for eternity.

However last night was pure fun. Myself and my girls practically rocked Movida's dancefloor. Salsa,baby! (:

Next, New Year's eve! ((:

"Sometimes a girl wants nothing more than to feel unapologetically pretty."

xxx

I believe you and I were created as one, before even our consciousness was created. I believe we were torn apart and strewn, and love, as you know it, as I understand it, is the act of picking up the pieces, finding each other, and trying to fit ourselves together. I know this because the blood in your eyes matches the pain deep in mine. I have not found peace; I fight to win because what you see is all that I have.

I've been broken. But don't you see that we are all broken in some way, waiting for someone to find us and fix us? I expose my scars to you because you are my best friend, and best friends deserve to know how I feel about my father leaving, or my first disillusionment of love in the face of disloyalty, or the resentment that builds up from needing to fight harder than others because the world was not built upon virtues of fairness. I want forever, and I want it with you. I had fought so hard and so long that I had forgotten what it felt like to be disarmed. All that you had discovered is all that I have.

We know it is never that simple.

Allow me this revealing thought: You and I were created as one. And love, as I understand it, is finding you and loving you with all my heart.

what a beautiful thought.

pushing daisies.

2008-12-26T19:34:00.001+08:00

I resolve to:

Wear sunblock everyday even on my body

Give away the clothes I never wear away

Figure out why I "really" need 5 different online profile

Not name my child strange names like Bronx Mogley, Bluebell Madonna, or Audio Science when I have kids (Ashley Simpson, Geri Halliwell and Shannyn Sossoman are you reading this?)

Carry on spending like there's no tomorrow - it will help the economy

Not freak out if I miss the first 2 minutes of America's Next Top Model or Heroes

Throw out all lipsticks, mascarras and creams that went nasty 6 months ago

Not go to bed without removing my makeup off - no matter how tired or tipsy I am

Quit smoking

Stop superpoking friends on Facebook

Bring back It bags!

All in all; We can resolve to lose weight, quit smoking and get out of debt any time of the year. But trying something completely different, standing up for yourself, channelling your inner dominatrix or even volunteer with MSF in Dahur, Africa, now that's the stuff that deserves some 1st January celebratory fireworks and bubbly. My feel? Attracting love and wealth in the New Year

Love;

Waves a magic wand over this world and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful

Captivating;

A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Its loveliness increases, it will never pass into nothingness

Earthy;

Beauty comes as much from the mind as from the eye

Feminine;

Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it

Fresh;

There is certainly no absolute standard of beauty. That is precisely what makes its pursuit so interesting

Passionate;

Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got

Mesmerising;

Love of beauty is taste. The creation of beauty is art.

xoxo

solemn florals.

2008-12-26T11:26:00.001+08:00

Whenever I have expensive taste, it's hard to hold back from the good stuff. When I'm shopping, that Louis Vuitton bag just calls to me. Well, it seems that I've gotta sacrifice my taste level longer till the global economy takes a peak.

It's like bidding war. You never know when the stock market plunges down or go stake high. Bummer!
It never crossed my mind that the world recession could affect me
It is, NOW.
It is.

Countdown; 4 more days to '09
Let's hope it'll be a fruitful year.

xoxo